Sexual Discrimination in Massage Therapy

[adamantia3190]

My wife had a massage (before we were married) from a female therapist who tried to preform some extras and made her feel ver uncomfortable. She then swore that if she was going to get another massage it would be from a male therapist.

I personally perfer to have a female therapist. Call me Homophobic, but that is just me.

Here state side it is harder for a male therapist to get a practice started, but once he has, his practice does better than the female counterparts.

 

[whammahefly]

I find it sad that there is still discrimination with gender in massage. I have had some good massages from men and woman, like wise I've had some not so good massages from both men and woman. I know one woman who was very tiny and had very small hands, but gave a powerful massage.

As a male therapist I am happy to massage both men and women.

 

[Bit of Honey]

Interesting to join this thread.
I'm a female therapist who does both men and women - I go with intuition when a man phones for appointment from an ad and would always see men from word of mouth referals. There's a mixture among both genders of full body aromatherapy clients and back and shoulder / or other remedial work clients.

I see a man for my massage at the moment and have seen many women. I like a firmer massage so this may have influenced my thoughts when I first booked with him but I think return visits are influenced by personality - I like his approach and friendly manner. Whether it's just cos he's tight-fisted, but my husband has "never got round" to seeing my therapist. OK so I SHOULD make time for him myself, but sometimes I'm busy/ tired/ can't be bothered - so I tell him to make an appointment with Mr Masseuse -made up name , - eventually I get round to doing him myself, so he bides his time without needing to go to anyone else.

For the record, he runs his one man buisiness under the name of a sports clinic, though he does also offer le stone massage, hopi candles among other none sporty therapies. AND he dresses "sporty".

 

[javelin]

As a male client, I'll admit, I will only see a female massage therapist. It's funny, one time at the mall, I decided to get some type of chinese massage they had there in a store. They had told me I could have a female therapist, and that is who was there waiting, but she led me behind the curtains and then they pulled a switch-a-roo, and I suddenly had a male therapist! I stopped the massage and told them that when I called, they had informed me I could request a female therapist. The male therapist looked disappointed, but they did allow me to switch. Kind of embarrassing the whole thing.

Look, male therapists are just as good as female therapists. I just don't want to be touched by a man in that way. Do you think I have issues? FINE! I am glad to admit I have issues and I have ZERO desire to change them. I'm quite happy just sticking with female therapists. Again, I do sympathize with male therapists who cannot get clients and who are good therapists - I am just not going to be one of your clients. Unfortunately, a lot of the male therapists I've met had potential to be gay. I mean, I don't know for sure, but certainly you could have jumped to that conclusion. But I know, that is besides the point. It seems that most male therapists are more comfortable interacting with females anyway.

 

[Mireya"]]

Well, I admire your honesty, ace88, if not your logic. These male therapists had potential to be gay? You mean, they might have been so excited by working on you that they might suddenly have been converted to homosexuality?
And when you say you don't want to be touched by a man "in that way", it does rather make me wonder exactly in what way you do like being touchedby those women therapists...

 

[Shark datrican]

"In that way" didn't mean anything, Nick. All I meant by that was that you are alone in a closed room with someone for an hour with most of your clothes off. It's kind of an intimate environment. I didn't mean any type of sexual touching of any kind.

As for potential to be gay, you know what I mean. The high voice, the trendy clothes, the constantly moving their arms when they talk. If you thought of a stereotypical gay person, half of the male therapists I have met would fit the bill. Some people might be fine with a gay therapist. I'm not even fine with a male therapists, but add the gay factor in there and I am doubly uncomfortable....I know I will get killed for saying this because it is not politically correct. Go do a search on the internet for massage. When I was first looking for a massage therapist, many of the sites that came up were gay sites. There were male therapists with their shirts off (and possibly even more) in their picture on their site. Why as a professional therapist would you put a picture of yourself half naked on a therapeutic massage website? That really makes people comfortable with male therapists.

 

[Red Head]

But there are also some female 'therapists' who advertise in a state of semi undress and who give the massage profession a bad name, but that doesn't mean that all female therapists are like that.

Lesley

 

[PymnPreeskGen]

Absolutely, Lesley! In fact, rather more so. And I'm still intrigued by what ace is afraid that a man with a high voice and trendy clothes might do to him...!

 

[Bindestrio]

I'm not saying the man with the high voice, trendy clothes, who moves his hands when he talks and who has all female friends, for the most part, is going to do anything to me. It would just add to what was already an uncomfortable massage. If massage is all about relaxation, shouldn't people be able to pick the therapist that makes them most comfortable? I wouldn't be comfortable with a heterosexual 75 year old therapist either! Or someone that was 400 pounds and sweated a lot! I just don't understand and don't like it when therapists sometimes think clients need to change...and that somehow I need to get to the point where I can accept a male therapist. Why? Especially when at least 75% of therapists are female....if you can't be comfortable during a massage, the whole experience will be a waste....

 

[John Honor]

Hi ace88

I think it will depend on what someone wants out of the treatment, if people just believe that massage is for relaxation then that is a short sighted view on the benefits of massage.

As a remedial massage therapist, I treat muscular/skeletal dysfunctions most of the time, this is quite often very uncomfortable to receive but the dysfunction will generally feel easier after the treatment, if not straight away then in a day or two.

I have said this before, if I was experiencing structural discomfort then it would not matter if the therapist looked like Quasimodo, as long as they sorted me out I would be happy

 

[Khalil]

itworried me when i read your comments about feeling uncomfortable with a male therapist. Do all men feel this way? And shouldn't the therapists feelings be considered in all this? I'm a female therapist with a mixture of both male and female clients, but working alone in a salon does make me feel vulnerable, and your comments don't go any way towards making me feel any easier. The majority of my male clients are fine, but i do come across the occasional one who's reaction to the massage makes me feel very uneasy to be in their presence (like the man today who kept dropping his towel as he was feeling too hot!?!). I'm not saying that this is the reason that you only want to be treated by a female therapist, but surely a massage is a massage, and if you are going to a reputable establishment, then you shouldn't come across any male therapists who would make you feel uncomfortable.
I do treatment shares withmale andfemale therapists and find both treatments equally as good.

 

[MIIMII]

If you asked my guy friends, over half would say that they would never get a massage from a male therapist. In fact, a friend on my baseball team wanted to go to the chiropractor that I go to, where I get a massage as well. He said, "Sure, I'll go, but no way am I getting a massage from a male therapist - that is not happening." When you go to a private practice, you are paying good money, shouldn't you be able to choose what type of therapist you want? I mean, some people might not want a fat therapist, a short therapist, a therapist with small hands, a gay therapist, a straight therapist, a religious therapist, a political therapist, a therapist who talks too much. Let me ask you sugarpie, if I asked you to have a massage with a 500 pound therapist who smelled, would you get the massage? My point is, you are discrimmanatory too, and so is everyone! And I feel whenyou are allowing someone to invade your personal space, you have the right to be discrimminatory.

As for this being the reason I want to be treated by a female therapist...not true. If that was the truth, I wouldn't go to a certified practitioner, I'd go to a person who performed "extras" which of course I am not doing. A female could have a father who never hugged her and could therefore go to a male therapist seeking touch. Is that wrong? Of course not! People have all sorts of reasons for going to one person over another. As long as they don't behave inappropriately, I don't see what the problem is. An important part of a massage is the client being comfortable, and if the client can't be comfortable with certain types of people, they should be able to book with someone else...

 

[firesign]

I never said this wasYOUR reason for having massages. I was just making the point that therapist feel uncomfortable in certain situations too. Surely you can feel for the female therapist who is made to feel vunerable because of the many inuendoes we receive on a daily basis. I trained so i could help people relax, I wastaught to except that i would get the odd comment from people and to behave in a proffesional manner. I always try to maintain this stance. i never discriminate against a client and always respect them, I just wish it went both ways

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

I am sorry you have to put up with clients like the one mentioned above. Yes, I do feel for you and other female therapists who unfortunately, have been put in these situations too often. I do totally emphathize with you being alone in a salon with clients you probably can't choose. I could understand how that could be scary. On the other hand, I have seen femaletherapists that raise a red flag on male clients for things that really are not red flags. For instance, a man asking for a full body massage over the phoneor getting aroused during a massageshould NOT automatically signify a red flag. Both those things are often totally innocent, and in the case of the 2nd one, a biological thing that happens due to increased circulation. However, if he asks 20 questions about draping and begs to go undraped, if he touches the therapist, tugs and tries to move the sheet, makes constant flirtatious comments, obviously those are red flags and grounds for a warning or immediate dismissal. I just think some therapists, because of a bad experience like yours, are so worried about these red flags that they tend to see them when they aren't even there....not saying that is the case with you.

 

[OMG seeds!]

Im just setting out doing all the massage courses - this has been on my mind a lot weather or not im going to build up a good amount of regular customers being a male therapist,

Well i hope things work out ok for me, fingers crossed as now feel a sinking feeling in my belly, it will be ok for all us male therapists, think possitive and everything will be fine.

[sm=dance.gif]Baaaaa

 

[ladydi]

I do think it cuts both ways. In terms of aromatherapy and the more gentle massages, there is a bias towards a very young girl giving a massage, that's the stereotype. I'm 33 and a bit old for that so don't fit in that box. Then you have you sports and remedial therapists, rugged, male, strong, silent, very focussed, they get the job done, I am female, so don't fall into that box. It's hard to be everything to everyone as there are stereotypes there. Unfortunately, the latter is the direction I'm most interested in...

If there is a client who wants to be treated by a woman, or a man, it's their choice. They might be missing out on one of the best treatments they are ever going to experience in their life, it is ultimately there choice. Choice or smallminded, who knows? Who cares? Some of us discriminate with regards gender, for personal or safety reasons, but we're allowed to make that choice. Let the client also have their choice. They aren't the people you really want to be focussing your energies on anyway. I do believe, however, that the barriers are slowly but surely coming down in the UK. Educate, educate, educate!

 

[Socks33]

OK, I have a question. When you say educate, educate, educate, what exactly do you mean? Are you insisting that males who only want a female massage therapist, or females who only want a female massage therapist, or males who only want a male massage therapist, are somehow not educated? What barriers are slowly coming down? I thinkthere are people who are PLENTY educated, who simply have preferences about what type of person they will allow to touch them (in a therapeutic way only!). Everyone has these preferences, and everyone has some type of person who they would be uncomfortable being touched by, whether it be male, female, someone with 8 tatoos and 5 nose rings, a religious person, a tall person, a short person, a fat person, an overtalkative person, etc...

 

[Definitely_Maybe]

That's what I'm saying, you probably need to reread my post. Barriers - the concept of having a massage is now accepted far more widely than it was 10 years ago, the barriers are lifting, the seedy reputation it once had is now a haze in comparison to years ago. We all have our choice aboutwhat we want from a treatment and who we would like to have treat us. As therapists we can only focus on bringing those barriers further, by doing a good, honest job and interacting with the right sorts of clients for our clientele and their needs.

 

[AnGeL oF lOvE]

I'm sorry, I thought you were implying something else. It looks like what you are saying is that many people would not get a massage because they thought of it as sexual as opposed to therapeutic. And that massage therapists were stigmatized a certain way, which was not ethical. But now, many people, even religious ones, are seeing the benefits of massage and seeing that there is really no danger of anything being sexual and that massage therapy is a legitimate practice. I still don't think you'll ever get some males to go to male therapists, or some females to go to male therapists...but I do understand your point now about education.

 

[That_Skate_Kid]

Returning to this post, I am astonished to find ace still trying to defend the indefensible! OK, he says he is "uncomfortable" about being massaged by a male. But he doesn't recognise the "barrier" that exists in his mind.
Tell me, ace, when you have your eyes shut (as most people do when they are being massaged) can you tell the difference between a male or a female practitioner? Then again, maybe it is time to open those eyes. Sure, we all have the right to choose our therapists - but why be guided by blind prejudice?