Sexual Discrimination in Massage Therapy

[greengirl]

I am a 32 year old man, and for some reason, I openly admit, I have a hard time thinking about myself getting a massage from a guy. It's not that there is something sexual about getting a massage from a female...It's just as a male, having my body rubbed by another male...I know, it's stupid. And as a male massage therapist, I feel for you being discriminated against. I admit, I am part of the problem.

 

[xganxgom]

Wow,,,At last..,the topic I've thinking or trying to raise since last three months. I've even put my personal experience I went through,when applying for a job as a male therapist in London.(It's under the titile of "my job experience"), but sadly no one ever replied to it, or may be it was place under wrong title...any way, I had a really upsetting experience when I went to a massage practice in a very up-market area in London. The personI talked to behind the main informetion desk simply said to me SORRY WE DON"T EMPLOY MALE THERAPISTS".....I think being a man himself was a bit ironic...
I think we men are ourselves part of the problem....Majority of straight men would'nt even dare thinking of getting touched by a male therapist...something to do with their' macho image "may be....which I think is very sad....And newly qualified male therapists like myself can see our dreams getting shattered....
But as Fozzyo said things are moving towards Positive attitude now...
And hopefully the sooner the better...
LOL,
meeran

 

[Zach N]

Gosh...

I had one-on-one tutering, because I lived very far away from the college I went to, to do my Swedish Massage (in South Africa) (I had to drive 4 hours there and 4 hours back every weekend!).
And my tutor was Male!
I did not mind him demonstrating on me. And I used my brother and my brothers girlfriend at the time for bodies!

Neither my brother, his girlfriend, nor I were bothered being massaged by a man...

I can't get my head around this whole thing. How can you want to become a professional body worker and be uncomfortable working on either a male or female body?

 

[lterfvml]

Amber

I don't think women have so much of a problem as men do and it's not the therapist that has the problem, it's the clients unfortunately.

Most of the men I treat, including my husband, just feel uncomfortable being touched by another man. I don't think they do this deliberately, it's just a subconscious reflex.

Unfortunately, if they're not comfortable with this, they are not going to be relaxed during the treatment.

I'm not trying to defend this attitude, but I have spoken to so many men who feel the same, that I can't help but feel it's more an instinctive reaction than any kind of discrimination.

Lesley

 

[?Megen?]

I think that is a big part of it Aromababe, particularly for new clients. I think that some men once they have had a massage / treatment at the hands of a female therapist may be more comfortable with a male therapist, others not. And thats fine - they are the clients, they can be treated by whomever they wish. Just in the same way they may see two therapists, both female but they didn't like the first so don't see them again for a treatment. If the client isn't comfortable they aren't going to relax and get the most out of the treatment.

A clinic / centre saying they don't recruit male therapists is very short sited, and possible breaking Sex Descrimination / Employment law - though I am not an authority on this so may be complete wrong.

I also find it strange now that a centre would take such an attitude, most of the large brands are now developing treatments exclusively for men - Elemis, Dermalogica immediately spring to mind. There is now a Men only therapy centre in London, The Sugar Shop who have a massive male clientele.

Foz xxx

 

[Aquella BSL=BS]

Quite a lot of interesting points

I think a lot of it depends on if you need a massage treatment to overcome a dysfunction or if you just want a massage.

Personally if I have a problem then Quasimodo can give me a treatment as long as he is effective and I can function better when I get of the table, this seems so be the greater part of my workload so my patients turn up and expect to be sorted regardless of my gender, they simply want fixing.

If on the other hand people are receiving massage as something to unwind with then their personal gender preferences will probably come into play and they will seek out the type of person they relate to the best and would expect to feel more comfortable with.

There is no answer to this one as we are all different and have different outlooks and sensitivities to disrobing and being touched by others, just keep chipping away and you get there in the end

 

[bluasakura]

So whats your problem with Quasimodo - he was a soul as well you know - ONLY KIDDING.

Fossyo - patience my friend - am well aware of the male - female discrimination where therapist are concerned at the moment but remember we are on the way to a universal shift and all conciousness will be heightened - then holistic therapies including massage will a recognised de-stresser and therapy. Clients will loose their inhabitions (which it all boils down to) and there will be more healers and more yin in the air.

Off I go ......................

LOL

TRACY

 

[fzozfwcu]

Hey Fozzyo

All sympathies on this one. I've done my ITEC MAP course and worked a little but not full-time. I think the men who come to me only do so because they're neighbours, although I've been offered sports-massage work (which I enjoy less so don't want to do really.)
I think the imbalance will shift as more men are prepared to have a massage.

Of course there is partly an issue around sexuality here.
I really believe that men who have a problem being massaged by men are in denial if they say there's nothing sexual in the background. Personally I think there's a teeny bit of the sexual in most transactions and encounters. The sooner we acknowledge that, the sooner we empower ourselves to choose to keep it in its proper place in an honest way. These men don't grab every sexy woman they pass on the street and snog her, after all!

I've only got 3 male clients, all straight. Two of them, purely because they're very relaxed and the blood-flow is stimulated, sometimes get a stiffy. I just chuck another towel over it and carry on with the massage which is what I'm focussed on: the stiffy's purely biological, means nothing and isn't worth the effort of blushing. But I think some straight men are so terrified of such a thing happening that it would keep them away. And others are perhaps scared of what if might mean if they enjoyed getting a massage from another bloke, horror of horrors, as if it, were, like, not quite manly!

As men get over their fears and become more integrated with themselves, I think we'll see more male clients and more work for male masseurs. One of my guys is 20st and I just can't see my 9½st female tutor giving him the depth of massage that I can. (Boy do I work for that fee!)
Patience and fortitude to you in the meantime.

BV
[sm=cat.gif]

 

[WAKE UP SHEEPLE]

Well it happened to me June! A male therapist made me feel very uncomfortable during an accupressure session, making me get undressed far more than was necessary and being generally pervy. I was so annoyed with myself for complying with him: I'm not an unassertive person so why on earth had I not just refused? The answer is of course that it's the old doctor/patient situation -and he was abusing his power over me.


Big voice, I think this is very true, and it's a topic Hugh Milne addresses in "The Heart of Listening", which is a wonderful book on Cranial Osteopathy, but I believe is a good background reading for sensitive bodywork therapists.

My encounter didn't put me off using male therapists - but I treated it as a learning curve! I would be more guarded and assertive if it ever happened again.

Sharon.

 

[Samantha Boyle]

This is an interesting topic.

When I had my first massage I was wondering whether to have a man or woman do it. I thought that if the girl was attractive then I'd get a boner and if it were man then I might feel embarassed by being touched by another man. Since the erection fear was more intense I went with the girl and I didn't get an erection - so that's that fear gone...well sort of since she was no looker.

There is something sexual or at least potentially sexual about being rubbed by another person. The only other time you are touched all over is by your sexual partner so it's not surprising. Everytime I practice massage on my wife we end up having sex.

Massage and the sex industry are strongly linked too as we all know.

I would be far more likely to go to a man if he were advertising sports massage or wording the massage in a sporty or theraputic way. I surely do not want to see the words "sensual" or even "blissful" when going under a man's hands. I know many massage places advertise this. Women probably feel comfortable about having a "sensual experience" from a women but 90% of straight men are not going to want that from a man. I think I'd feel more comfortable if the guy was a bit older looked like a grizzled physio or whatever rather than some buff youngster.

So I think you need to try to remove as much of the homosexual potential from advertising, presentation, manner and even the massage itself. I wouldn't start on the legs, I wouldn't go near the crotch, inner thigh or abdomen. I'd go harder on the pressure. I'd dress sporty or medical. An Aussy accent wouldn't go amiss! I don't think blokes will mind being "treated" in the medical sense by other men as much.

 

[luger]

I really do feel for men who are looking to be taken seriously in a worthwhile proffession. It is hard enough for a woman to be taken seriously as a massage therapist when newspapers and the like still allow prostitutes to use the title of massage therapist as a cover story. When I started out said ladies only on my literature as I was working from home. Then many ladies asked if I would consider giving their husbands treatments which I agreed to and that was fine and not once did I pick up any negative vibes. Because my confidence in having male clients grew I then took ladies only off my literature and only saw men when my partner could be around as a safe guard. Unfortunately despite this safegaurd one client did try to kiss me and grab my arse at the end of the treatment not realising my boyfriend was around. I didnt make a fuss as I managed to brush him off and send him on his way but now I dont feel comfortable treating any new male clients. This man seemed the epitimay of gentlemanlyness throughout until the end. His behaviour really shocked me and made me feel my instincts must be not as good as I thought they were. Sadly these things do happen from time to time and it does make you think. Its men like these that give men a bad name in general and that is unfair I know. I now feel I have to discriminate against having male clients because of this one man. Sorry if I have gone off course but its actually been good to share it.

 

[italianblondie]

as susan says above re: turkish baths etc

it does have a lot to do with western boundaries. in other societies men will hold hands walking down the street etc.

there are a lot of funny perceptions out there. i love the way men's magazines refer to men's face/ hair care as "grooming" not beauty.

there are other fields of work that men are somewhat discriminated against or those with very few workers. Our family centre has a couple of male employees and i have overheard the odd strange comment in the past from biggoted people as to their motivation.

it is sad, but things will change slowly.

 

[Jerrleenah]

Sorry to hear about your bad experience, purplelight - as you say, one person can spoil it for everyone.
Intrigued, though, by Nozza's experience with his wife. Every time he massages her, they end up having sex? Every time I massage MY wife, she ends up going to sleep! Am I doing something wrong - or right?!

 

[dexaqxyd]

You're clearly massaging the wrong areas! ;-)

 

[GlamGirl]

hmmm, maybe you should run a workshop?

 

[Larkeznst]

hey supersub,

my husband always falls asleep too!!!!!

 

[Matheus]

Personally I think that it is unfortunate that this thread went off on a tangent into a discussion of massaging one’s partner. There were some very good comments on many of the earlier posts, which are worth re-emphasising in the light of some of the recent comments on the ‘mobile massage’ thread.

Alan

 

[ladyhorde4]

I am a male therapist, mainly sports massage. About 95% of my clients are female. I have not really found that they have a problem being massaged by a male. A lot of them know me, by sight at least, as they go to the same gym as me and I attend a few classes. Also one of the female instructors is a client of mine. She always recommends me when one of them goes to her asking advice about an injury.
I saw in a previous message that one therapist found that ladies who saw him in normal life did not want to go to him. I have not found that a problem.
I do think that the personality of the therapist can influence the clients choice. I prefer the company of women to men and am totally at ease in their company. I think that women can pick up on this and perhaps feel more relaxed with me than a 'man's man'.
As to my preference for massage, although I would go to a man if necessary, I always choose to go to a female therapist. As previous correspondents have said, this is nothing sexual, but just that you can feel the female presence and that makes me feel more comfortable. Also women can go just as deep as a man if they are technically proficient. You don't need brute strength or apes hands, an elbow, body weight and good technique can work wonders. My sports therapist is a fairly petite woman but, believe me, she can cause plenty of pain.

 

[Sania]

I’m also a sports massage therapist and I also find that most of my clients are female (though not as high as 95%).
And I also find that it is mainly women who want a full body massage: most of my male clients want treatment for specific problems, rather than a full body massage.

Alan

 

[Lion]

Same here. Maybe a lot of men have a "get it fixed" approach while women want to get it fixed but also just love the touch / massage.

Mat xxx