momslover
Reviewer
Yes energy is exchanged, those who can see auras see it more vividly..Into the abyss, my mongering tale.
I got into this world to try and ease the pain of a breakup. Dating was never a problem, but my mind convinced me to go on an emotionless pursuit of carnal pleasure to forget the one I loved who cheated on me. Well, that was my justification anyway... An eye for an eye.
Started with MP's after reading about them here. After my first MP experience, I couldn't sleep the entire night. Sure, the girl was a cutie and it felt like we were a married couple inside the small room of the spa, but i still couldn't sleep that night. I don't know why.
I felt something changed inside me. I was no longer the same guy I was yesterday. I ended up making the mistake of continuing to visit MP's. This only progressed to Indies and SBs with no sight in end. Maybe it was the dopamine rush? I don't know what exactly happened, but I just couldn't stop. I felt like I'm losing control of my mind.
Experience after experience, girl after girl, nothing seemed to make me feel happy inside. It turned into a carnal pursuit of fuck knows what ..... Something I realised I will never ever find in this world of mongering (Intimacy and emotional fulfillment) I still don't know what I'm doing here. I want to kid myself by saving that I just wanted to experience new things, which I did, but at this point i feel like I'm dwindling into self sabotage.
Just a few months into mongering, my productivity dwindled, my work ethic got destroyed. I totally lost my ability to focus and control my impulses. This messed up my grades, made me fail exams and end up wayy behind everyone else in my life. I'm still trying to catch up while everyone my age is married, minting money with high paying jobs or just satisfied in general with where they are in life.
This entire mongering duration of 4 years, I felt sad all the time, nothing made me happy anymore. Ended up being diagnosed with clinical depression and general anxiety disorder after discussing it all with a therapist. Ultimately I have reached a point where I just can't be at peace for even a minute in a day. Even now, I'm suffering from insomnia and my escape seems to be a spa or a bar to numb my brain and stop the thoughts in my head, albeit for a short duration.
Not just mentally, but i have also faltered socially. Used to be a social butterfly with confidence, but now I have suddenly become an introvert. Can't go and chat up random girls or even guys. Hell, I have become awkward even with friends I have known for a decade. Even they can sense something is wrong with me and I have changed.
The guy is right, we truly exchange energies. And it looks like I'm a negatively charged electrode right now.
It's been fun to interact with mongers here and on discord, some wonderful and helpful people. Hell, it's been fun to meet some Indies, spa and bargirls too, but it's just killing me inside. I'm just not cut for this.
Is mongering wrong? Not at all. It's good for both the monger and the girl! It sustains households. I think it's perfect for high performing individuals who can keep their emotions in check. However, it feels like I'm not that guy yet. Maybe I will return to mongering one day if need be, once i unfuck my life.
I have tried to quit 2-3 times by now....but hopefully this is my last message here. I truly hope I can quit this for good and do something meaningful with my life. I don't know if I can ever get back to the way I was before I took this up, but I sure hope it doesn't get any worse. Sorry for the long rant, you guys are the only ones I can share this with.
Guilt, anger, frustration, satisfaction, worries, loss etc... Are the few overwhelming emotions everyone gets before or after the meet.
As long as you can function normally in personal life it's cool, but once they gets inside your mind (above emotions) on auto Play mode without any intervention or curbs then you're screwed up.
This sexual urge is quite natural so are the emotions associated with the same, let them flow and accept them as they are, don't try to suppress them doing so will ensure they bounce back more ferociously.
Happiness is an emotion or an illusion! Can't buy it with cash.
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