The line between a Positive Hobby and an Addiction

[ihateemopeople]

LOL. You gotta love Germany

 

[Cady]

Actually I did an internet search and its a song by a band called Guyana Punch Line. I like to hear that song.

 

[Edgar from Socal]

My experiences are about the same as Oliver (except I got over my gambling addication thank god!!!) I have been hobbying since my wife and I seperated 6 years ago. I would estimate spending close to 30 thousand dollars on sex in that time frame. I really don't have a job that pays me a ton of money either. I have taken part time jobs, borrowed from credit cards, bankruped myself, I am fyrthur in debt now then before my bankruptcy. I have seen a "shrink" on this and it didn't work. The reason it didn't work is because I didn't want it to work. I live my life and every aspect of it. I have been able to work my demanding full time job, 2 parttime jobs, spend a ton of time with my kids, and still make it to Montreal once a month, and spend time in my area of upstate NY hobbying as well. If I hit the lottery, I would blow the money on hookers, and strippers in no time.You wanna talk about addictions??? I think I am as addicted to this as any of you.

 

[peace.love25941]

Very interesting subject guys. As for me, I was really active in this hobby in the past year. Went to MP's in Montreal and SP's in Sherbrooke. What I really liked about this was the sense of adventure, not knowing what was going to happend. Would it click between the girl and me or would she want to get rid of me as soon has she could? For me, it was a way of meeting new people. Along the way, I met some really great girls, both in Montreal and in Sherbrooke.

During that time, I promised myself that I would completely stop this hobby the day I would get a girlfriend. So now, I've been in a steady relationship for the past 3-4 months with a wonderfull girl and I stopped hobbying completely.

Do I miss it? To be honest, yes I do. I don't miss the sex part of it because I get everything I could dream for with my partner. I just miss the adventure part of it. Will I be able to resist the urge to go back to this behing my girlfriend's back? I still don't know. I'm still visiting these boards almost everyday, so I still have a need to know what's going on.

Addiction? Yes I guess. If not, I wouldn't still be present on this board...

Stud out...

 

[ermac]

we all need a reality check--when your day in and out with sex workers then you date a regular girl --they notice roughtness around the edges a bit no matter how smooth you are as everything is taken for granated with a working girl and you lose lack of perspective and reality a bit

thats what realy is driveing me away from this ....u get used to this crazy wild girls that will give you what you want ..and you can ask for it ...and she will not be offended ,its not a turn on ,or a turn off ,its her job
its true it is an addiction ...but since i have been already addicted to different things in the past and now i am over them ...i know that addiction is not about what is inside of you its about what is happening around you ...how is your life,job ,friends,familly ,money,wife,GF,...situation at a set moment ..oh and how you are reacting to this situaiton ...
this hobby is a very power full addiction ..the reason to why is because every thing around us is sexed up ...very bad thing if you are trying to quit sex ..if u trying to stop drugs is much easyer the temptation is less ..u dont see on tv people smokeing crack and getting high and haveing fun and being praised for doing so ...but u see people haveing sex ..hot steamy sex ..and is being praised and everybody is happy ...
u dont see people in the streets with there needles getting high and if u did it might be scarey ..but u might see people makeing out and if you are in the right place even more
you dont see a fresh pile of nicely cut wead raped in ribbons and smell so good ..u dont see that walking every where around you
but u see half naked young hot girls smeeling good ...looking at you ..flaunting it in your face ..or even playing you ,takeing you for a ride ,makeing sure you are turned on and that you like what u see and you realy want it ..but letting you know that its a lot of hard work if you can get them
now if a bag of weed did this to me i will take some of it ..like it or not ..\
and back in the cave days and the days after ..men took what they wanted ...these days dont you even fucking think about it ...cuase even your wife can put you in jail not just some hot girl in the street
so as men we came up with alternative ..and that is we have the have the new power MONEY ..and enslave women just like back in the days ...and realy the sex industry is all about men ..we are the pimps the drivers the clients the BF that use his GF money that she got from fucking another man
my point is we cant help it we are hard wired like that ..but what we can do as men and as real men ..is have selfcontrol and rationalaize the hobby ...make ourself a regim for and Schedule the pussy ..LOL

 

[Pompal 09.]

It's official, I am an SP junkie. I consume SPs much like a drug addict consumes drugs; when I need my fix, I stop at nothing to get it. But the thrill of hobbying is waning fast and there is no doubt in my mind that this activity in a never ending series of superficial encounters that will lead me nowhere but to a miserable existence.

There are times where my raging hormones command me to call the agencies, chat with the owners and order an SP. But there are other times where I just do it for the hell of it.

I have wasted thousands of dollars but that isn't what bothers me. Money is bullshit; only fools think that money brings them happiness and power. The perrenial pursuit of happiness is a chimera; we are socially programmed to pursue "happiness". But the pursuit of happiness is indeed overrated:

http://commentisfree.guardian.co.uk/stuart_jeffries/2006/07/why_happiness_is_overrated.html

As Graham Greene remarked: "Point me out the happy man and I will point you out either egotism, selfishness, evil - or else an absolute ignorance."

My personal journey over the last year and a half has taught me a lot about others but mostly about myself. I know that I am a kind and sensitive individual but I am also pathologically selfish - and, the more I concentrate on my next "fix", the more miserable I become.

I have often wrote that the most difficult time is when I say goodbye to an SP. The truth is that after I pay them, kiss them goodbye wishing them well, I close the door and stay in the room to reflect. Lately, the emptiness is overwhelming; in fact, it's brutal how empty I feel.

Long gone are the days where I felt elation after an encounter. There are still some exceptions but I can't fool GG any longer. He knows why he's miserable and yet he finds it difficult to detach himself from the bloody hobby.

If you noticed I recently increased the quantity of my encounters. This was deliberate on my part because I know that I will hit the proverbial brick wall. I am disgusted with myself because of the lies upon lies that I need to manufacture to constantly get another "fix". I can lie to all my loved ones but in the end, I can't lie to myself.

But there is a silver lining in all of this. Throughout this journey of self-discovery, I have learned a lot about the human condition. I was lucky enough to meet people that have shared with me some of their pains and sorrows as well as their joys. I also stumbled across the lowest forms of life; people that are pure evil, recklessly abusing others in order to profit at their expense.

When will my journey end? I honestly do not know. All I know is that the end is near.

GG

 

[God eats babies]

No offence Olie but I don't want to end up 50 years old, consuming SPs and still posting on the boards. One good thing out of all this is that it happened relatively early in my life. It's all bullshit; always was and always will be.

GG

 

[Naomi C]

lemashin,

Once you make the decision to get out, you get out and never look back. You have to distance yourself from everyone, including some people that you got along with. There are inherent limits to the relationships you build in Hobbyland.

Life is tough but it's worth living and enjoying. Thanks for sharing your experience and my best advice is to follow your heart.

GG

 

[Michael H]

I find your soul searching and accountability very interesting. Much of what you have written I can empathize with. At times, I admittedly possess some similar feelings, perhaps demons.

Additionally and as you failed to mention, I do not know if having the resources to indulge in the hobby would be considered a blessing. Not to liken myself to a junkie but I wonder, if I had taken the opportunity with lesser means, what would I have done, what would I be doing, to secure the next fix, which I probably could not afford? Yes, I certainly enjoy the opportunties when they occur.

I have always been, continue to be, an enabler, especially in regard to myself. At times I would try to convince myself I was deserving of such deserts. I work hard, long hours and have always been a responsible, helpful sort. I do without. I compromise for long periods of time, as if to justify my thousand dollar plus, 3 to 4 day visits to Montreal. Additionally, I play similar games in my own head, when I indulge locally.

I have not reached the point of emptiness, which you allude to and in looking in the mirror, do not have a sense that I am miserable. I am blessed on many levels. I do not get satisfaction from my work and realize it is only a vehicle for supporting my spiritual needs, hobbies, activities while hooking up with my 1 or 2 best friends. For now and for me, with the exception of my SP vice, what I have described is specific to my passion for planetary experiences, the outdoors. When I am not fly-fishing, I am taking photographs. I am also blessed with the ability to work with my hands, with wood and to build things, very often for others. When not doing these types of things, I volunteer my time for some environmental, scientific program, something as simple as, a beach walk/clean-up.

This is what I do to maintain a balance. I feel the need to give something back. This enables me to feel good about myself. In my own head, this justifies a very expensive 3-4 day bender. I know I am also fooling myself, but most of the time and for right now, it works.

Perhaps I am selfish, perhaps by default. I have no family to speak of. I was married for a long time. I believe I will spend the rest of my life alone. At the moment, I am comfortable and can roll with this fact. Truly, I cannot ever imagine being married again, certainly not while being a hobbyist, which I plan on doing for a while longer. Call me fucked up, but spending non-committal time with gorgeous sex partners is much more appealing and works for me right now. I fully understand these fleeting moments are a superficial indulgence,…. so do you!! Continually remind yourself and don’t confuse it as anything but.

As no one of us knows more then all of us, I suggest using that big-head. Think about what you’re passionate about and try to apply it to something other then yourself, your needs and unrelated to sex. I feel your Greene reference is a little extreme and can only hope this is not what you see in the reflection, I personally feel you’re a much better person then that.

I wish you the best with your realization.

 

[koking103]

i find this thread to be very insightful. I too often find myself in the same predicament as GG and others as above. No one has yet spoken about sexual addiction which I believe to be a recognized psychological disorder as other types of addictions to alcohol or drugs. The need, the difficulty to stay away, the urges, the feelings of emptiness, the double life, the lies and the cost. I am perhaps not a consummer of these services to the extent of others but it is probably simply due to having lesser opportunities. But i am an avid consumer of all things involving heterosexual adult sex (SPs, Porn, massages, strippers etc.), and what I have not consumed, I fantasize about.
The efforts, i be;ieve must be the same as they are for any addiction and that is not to go at it alone, to seek professional help, and if it gets out of control to be able to recognize ASAP.
I for one, am not really there yet, I guess i have not hit the bottom. In reading GG on this and other threads, I sense some indications of depression and my only advice to you GG who is a complete stranger to me is to be careful, get help, talk to someone, do not let this spiral out of control, the problem is probably much deeper than you think

 

[Marissa]

asimplepicture,

Thank you for posting this and you're right, a sense of fulfillment does not only come from being in a real relationship; you need to do something worthwhile for others. Unfortunately, I can't say that I have done anything else but focus on my needs.

GG

P.S. Maxima, I write reviews not to gloat but to share. I do not "conquer" SPs but I like to take my time listening to them. Mark my words: my addiction is not terminal.

 

[Rod]

I read the following on the recovery zone:

http://www.recoveryzone.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?board=Sex;action=display;num=1162392165

Hi Dave

I've been in recovery since April and sober from my bottomline of visiting prostitutes since 5/21/06.

There are a couple of simple things that have kept me sober:

1. join a 12 step program; go to at least three meetings per week, every week; get a sponsor; exchange phone numbers and start some periodic phone contact with other addicts.

2. don't carry cash and if you do, don't care more than 10 to 20 dollars. we live in a cashless society.

3. don't drive in the areas where you have 'acted out'. if you can't avoid them easily, do what i do--call your sponsor or someone in the program before and/or after and/or during your drive throught there.

4. don't do things that will lower your inhibitions to go and 'act out' with escorts. for example, don't drink alcohol, get high, or surf porn sites. you can put filters on your computer. even if you think you can 'get through' them, it's just one more barrier that may give you enough of an edge to call your sponsor or a fellow 12 stepper prior to going down the wrong road.

Hope that helps

Keep coming back, it works if you work it!

Rudbuddy

 

[MAREMU]

GG, what difference does it all make??????
We're all gonna die anyways, so who gives a flying f*ck???????

I'd rather live my life like a freebird

 

[Katelyn F]

While I have been a member for a couple of years, I have never posted. Yes I am one of the despised lurkers. As my name implies I am a nomad among many societies, cultures, and livelihoods. I have had the great fortune to spend time with scores of the women that you and many others have reviewed and owe you all for said guidance. Many times I have wanted to comment, complement, or chastise members here on eforum.xxx but I kept my thoughts to myself because I consider myself the "stranger in town". Tonight though, this thread has moved me more than any to date. I am saddened by the magnitude of self hatred that is there among so many of us for the simple fact that we spend currency on a simple neccessity of life...HUMAN CONTACT. The most common quality that men are seeking out here is "the GFE experience" which is not really defined so much by BBJ, DFK, etc. as it is about providing some semblance of intimacy. Billions of dollars are spent on the cinema, TV, novels, etc. as mainstream acceptable forms of providing temporary and yes imagined substitutes for this need that all humans have but if you pay someone to share this experience with you in reality we are all taught that the provider and the purchaser are both somehow debased and humiliated by this and often both groups suffer shame and self loathing for something that is only victimizing due to the context that it has been put in by puritanical norms that are just as oppressive, hypocritical, and hatefull as those purported by extremists from across the world. Some of the most endearing and tender as well as intimate times I have ever experienced as well as some of the kinkiest, crazy sex has been with providers who ultimately are just people like you and me. Are we any more the damned because we paid for this experience than for dinner, drinks and two tickets to see SAW III. I do not believe we are. General, I agree that this pursuit will not be a terminal one for you any more than it has been for civilization to date.

 

[eff j]

That's good advice...you should follow it and stop acting out your psychodrama here on eforum.xxx. It's getting tiresome.

 

[Angel Heart]

thenomad this must be the greatest first post on this board that I have read so far.
I totally agree with you in your analysis. Thanks for putting into words what I had a hard time to analyse myself lost into the thoughts that thread brought to me.

 

[Alessa]

I have had a pretty turbulent married life; I recently divorced a woman I was married to twice, with a number of long separations.

I hobbied during the separations, and even celebrated my divorce a year ago with a great threesome at HDLM.

I don't feel at all bad about hobbying. It just doesn't bother me. I don't regret the thousands I have spent on it because I, like many of you, have had experiences the vast majority of men only dream they could have. How many men will go to their graves wondering what it's like to have their unit licked by two beautiful women at the same time, or to have one gorgeous girl on your face while another rides you, or to be kissing one woman while another gives you a BJ?

I'm "fortunate" to live far enough away from Montreal and to have enough financial commitments to prevent me from going completely overboard with SPs. Do I regret what I have done? Absolutely not. Do I consider it money well spent to have had five women in one day several times? Actually, yes, I do.

I have been enormously lucky in my Montreal hobbying. I've never been ripped off; most of my experiences have been very good; and I've met some interesting women, if only for an hour or two.

I'm not seeking anything out of hobbying. I am not going to meet my next wife through an SP agency. I date regularly in my hometown and enjoy hell out of it. I'll meet someone I decide to make a commitment to and retire again. In the meantime, I have occasional fun in bed with beautiful women for a little bit of coin, and I will be damned if I will feel bad or guilty about any of it.

 

[RedNinja]

I'll start by saying that I have erased/copied this message 5 times already. It's shocking what comes out of you when you're honest to yourself. GG your post has definitely moved me.
----------------------


As a new Hobbyist (less then 4 months) this thread is eye opening. It is incredible how true the stories are and how I can be any one of those stories. Before I married I was a very successful womanizer and had my way with many women. My wife is my life, I love her greatly and she completes me spiritually and emotionally but monogamy has been hard on me. When I discovered the hobby and found ways of being with other women that did not eat away at my conscious I dove into it. Since then I have been with over 15 girls (not all FS but sexual encounters none the less). It has gotten to the point where I need to have my fix once/twice a week and this is starting to scare me. At first I was thinking it's just cause I'm really horny but I'm noticing pattern changes in the way I'm with these ladies. Patterns that are similar to what GG and I always argue about. The intimacy factor with an SP/MP. I find my old approach of no intimacy is starting to be insufficient and that I need more from my encounters.

GG, you have your demons just like we all have ours. You vocalizing your situation has been eye opening. I hope I have the strength to walk away now before I'm fully consumed by the hobby. It's sad to say that I don't think I will be able too, I just don't think I'm ready to quit.

Just knowing that it's there is so tempting that it's to difficult to ignore. I'm blessed/cursed with financial stability and the monetary burden is not enough of deterrence for me. I also know that if I wasn't married I would be consumed by the hobby. I like others feel the grip of this hobby suffocating me but am I ready to fight back? Do I even need to fight back? Do I really have a problem? Am I just projecting GG's situation onto mine? Time will tell but most definitely something is rotten in denmark!

 

[RosieB-x]

Dirtier

I can relate to your situation, I am also one of those hobbyists who considers himself not only married (my 2nd) but also very happily married indeed. My wife is an amazing woman, yet I still have the urge to hobby and although I will say that the fact that i hobby does not leave me feeling guilty in the least. It does however make me wonder why sometimes.
I, like you, was a womanizer in my past life and also was with many women. That behaviour cost me, essentially my first marriage and brought a lot of pain to my loved ones. I vowed then, that I would never put myself in that situation again, and with a few minor exceptions, I have managed to stay away from affairs or any type of extramarital relations where there is a risk of emotional attachment.
So why do I Hobby?. Strangely enough my wife and I enjoy a good sex life (not mind blowing) but good so perhaps I am one of those men who enjoys variety,excitement and the ability to get a bit of wildness in a sexual encounter. I also believe that most men have these desires of experimenting and being with other women , it's just in our nature. The difference between them and someone like me is that for various reasons other men, do not have the courage or the self confidence or the means to seek out other women or to try out the hobby.
Recently I was having dinner with a longtime trusted friend. I have known "Larry" for years yet we had never really talked about our sex life. I had always pegged Larry as a square peg, who was unwaivering in his faithfullness to his wife. After a few beers, the conversation turned to women and I was literally flabbergasted to find out that he had had several liaisons in the past several years. I would never have guessed. I talked about my preference for the safety of the hobby and he admitted that althought he had fantasized many times about calling a service he always hung up the phone just before someone picked up. Larry had tons of questions for me about the how, the where, the who. I think that that night I created a convert. He is probably lurking on this site right now looking for info on his next fix...

 

[Sunnyday]

dirtierasigetolder,

I have to tell you that I lost control roughly six months into my hobbying sejour. Unlike you, however, I romanticized about the hobby from the beginning. I would go goo-goo ga-ga over any SP that made me feel great, even if the sex wasn't great. A good example of this was Emely of Eleganza. The sex was average but I "fell in love" with that babe just by talking with her. I thought she was amazing and bought everything she told me hook, line & sinker (of course, she was bullshitting me).

I once reflected on what it takes to be a perfect hobbyist. You have to be totally disinterested and have no heart if you're going to do this for a long time. I have met some SPs that I felt really bad for once I learned about their lives. When you find out some brutal truths, it isn't really as glamorous as we portray it on the review boards.

It's especially tough if you're married and feel guilty for deceiving someone you love. Many people have told me not to feel guilty but the truth is I always feel guilt. I made a promise that I broke and once you cross that line, it sticks with you for the rest of your life.

What I find a bit disturbing is how some members are unwilling to admit that there are insidious effects from hobbying and SPing. I read comments like "moderation" or "perspective" and I flinch. Such total bullshit. This is an all-consuming hobby and every member, including me, will hit a brick wall sooner or later.

dirtierasigetolder, my best advice to you and others that are really just starting to get into the thick of it is to be very careful. Before you know it, you'll be seeing one or two MPs a week and as well as SPs. Trust me, it happened to me very slowly but at some point, I needed my fix every other day. I was calling massage parlors and agencies so often that I ended up memorizing all the numbers. I'd be at work thinking about pussy for lunch.

I suggest you read thenomad's and Doc's post. Doc was always one of my favorite posters because he tells it like it is. He knows what I am talking about when I describe the empty feeling I get after the SPs leave the room. It crushes me because the fantasy is over and the reality is that I am no better off for having partaken in a superficial encounter.

There are ladies that are deeper than others. Karma and Miss Samantha come to mind. But they're even more dangerous for me because it's harder to figure out when it's fantasy and when it's real. There are some ladies that can really hook you in.

Anyways, this is a screwed up hobby and we're all a little screwed up for doing it. Yes, some are worse than others, but trust me, all the players in Hobbyland - hobbyists, SPs and agency owners - are screwed up. Only ignorant fools would claim otherwise.

GG

P.S. I thank all of you for sharing some really terrific insights on this thread.