My RANT!!! about Maintenance

[Liberal AssKicker]

omg, I'm so damn sick of it.

Last night it was hard to sleep, because my hair spent the night soaking in a lovely conditioner/oil combo. I didn't want to do it but I had to, because well-conditioned hair takes color better and I had an appointment this morning. So while I was washing it all out today I was thinking about all the time/effort/$$ I put into Maintenance, and I was thinking that in my next life I would very much like to have a penis, so I can skip all this stuff and be considered "distinguished" instead of "frumpy".

Sometimes men complain about how long women take in the shower, and if you are one of those men, you should stop complaining. It would take you a long time too if you had to exfoliate every inch of yourself, moisturize, and tweeze every stray hair you can find. And long hair takes a long time to maintain, even if she keeps it simple.

Speaking of hair, those of you whose women indulge your preference for bald beaver should be shopping for baubles and kissing the ground she walks on, every single day. Shaving is time consuming and has to be done frequently to maintain the grounds. Waxing, well, it's quite a process...it starts with a popsicle-stick type applicator, which is used to spread wax (approximately the same temperature as, say, lava) over a small section of skin. Then a cloth gets pressed onto it, held for a few seconds, and then quickly and rather unceremoniously riiiiiiiiiiiipped away, taking the hair with it by the root. It doesn't hurt as much as getting a tattoo, but it does have quite a sting, no matter how much preemptive advil a girl takes.

It's taking me a very long time to type this, because I'm pedicuring right now. It started with foot paste, feet tied up in plastic bags for ten minutes while this concoction of I-don't-know-what does something to the skin that feels kind of like I just stuck them in a bonfire. Then it was 20 minutes soaking in diluted apple cider vinegar, then another 20 soaking in foot soap, now another 20 in more foot soap. Next they will be coated in a light layer of vaseline and stuffed into thick cotton socks for an hour, and then heavily lotioned. Finally, then, I'll be ready to start painting toenails....four coats, with 1/2 hour drytime in between each.

The silly part about doing all this is that even though I'm a little obsessive about keeping feet soft and pretty, I don't like anyone to touch them. I've had exactly one footrub in my whole life, and that was from a masseur with such great hands he really could have rubbed whatever he wanted.

It's all very tiresome, sometimes. So please, gentlemen, the next time you notice your woman looks good/feels soft/smells nice/got a haircut/has pretty feet/got her nails done, tell her. It's nice to have someone notice.

 

[Tangerine]

I have a notion that this statement is directed squarely at me, and those of us in the male gender like me. :shock:



For my part, I DO shop for baubles and kiss the ground Mrs. CG walks on (amongst other things) and she is VERY well rewarded, as are her GF's I might add, and I do very much appreciate that extra effort that is put forth.

I also put forth the same effort towards her and her GF's, just so you know... always clean shaven, have very well maintained fingernails and have very high general hygienic standards. :great:

 

[bagosav]

I am happy to have been born a man.

 

[Shandi]

Man this is one guy who doesn't give a royal hoot about any of the things you mentioned.

I had this one GF who had hair extensions ($500), fancy nails ($300), fake boobs ($5000), Tanned regularly and went to this day SPA once a month ($1000).

She would literally take 2 hours to get ready for an evening out. So I would show up at her place at 6 instead of the prearranged time at 8. That way I would get her before all the ''maintenance'' started.
At first she protested but after awhile she got the hint that I couldn't care less about all the lengths she was going to.

Truth be told she was a better looking girl without all the ''fuss''. Didn't hurt that she was a great conversationalist as well though I reckon.

 

[sean]

Men are slowly becoming the same way, I'm resisting but there's a lot of subtle pressure.
:arf:

 

[LadyCatherine]

Found this...

[video=dailymotion;x4ll73]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4ll73_manscaping-do-girls-love-a-trimmed_fun[/video]

 

[John S2005]

You don't notice if her skin is like velvet? or when the sun looks really pretty shining off her hair? or when her feet don't cut you when she puts them on you at night to warm them up? :tongue:



I'm not that high-maintenance. I'm nutty about soft skin, pretty feet and perfect haircolor, but that's about it.

I did consider fake boobs when I was young, but now I'm glad I didn't.

 

[momokins]

What kind of subtle pressure?

 

[Apocalypse Cow]

Well cutting of the toenails is of course important but lets face it that is about 5-10 minutes max. As for for skin texture and hair shine, all that stuff is kind of secondary too me. Not even close to a make or break as far as a relationship is concerned. At this stage in my life the whole glamor look doesn't really appeal to me.

 

[Jazeera]

For me it's as much about the feel as the look.

Toes are finally done. Whoo hoo!!! arty:

 

[Ashille]

What's next?.

 

[ThaRatChick]

I think hair, wax and feet is enough for one day. Now I'll just sit here and look at my pretty toes.

 

[=0) Exotic Motorcyclist]

Hehe I've only let one person touch my feet too... I'm so ticklish I'm afraid I'd kick em.
Really feel for you sweetie! Are you happy with how your hair turned out?
What color polish did ya choose?

 

[Mojito]

I've been blessed here with a hairdresser who is a genius with color, and who knows exactly what I mean when I say stuff like "not too red, but not too brown either". Half the time I don't even pick the color, I just let her surprise me. The worst thing that can happen is I live for a month with a color I'm not crazy about...it's only happened once, it was no big deal.

My toes are only happy wearing FM Red. arty::great:

:tongue:

 

[Brianna H]

Oh Sillygirl!

Here's the plan, pick a number between 1 & 5 and buy some Heineken and your pain and problems will be resolved!

Oh btw, when you do the wax thing, does that include the Greek channel? If so, do you bleach the dock?

I know you chose 4!

:

 

[Daddy Paul]

:I noticed you corrected the error I mentioned!

 

[blank]

:shock:!!! um, I have no idea if bleaching is available.

And Four, well, yea. Kryptonite! :666:

Yes, thank you. What ever would I do without you?

:tongue:

 

[Abby Normal]

Ummmm, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't #4 the one you blew off last week because he wanted a same day booty call? :shock:

(Guess we now know why... :tongue: Needed some time to do a lil "under the hood" maintenance! :666

Oh, and I do have to ask... what's this I hear about greek? :gasp:

 

[v.s]

I did blow him off, and I've been regretting it. and no, it wasn't a maintenance issue.

You didn't hear anything about greek. HOF just thought he was being funny. He was mistaken, but that's not my fault. :neutral:

 

[ElDiablo]

Hilarious!