Is it sexist to specify ladies only for mobile massage?

[past 7 Girl]

Sexism does not come into it. A lady visiting a strange males house is very vunerable. That said, I as a male practitioner also have potential problems, although I ignore them and carry on with my profession. We are all in a one to one situation with someone and if not vunerable physically, then still open to false allegations being made about us. As a man I have never been propositioned by a lady, and 95% ofmy clientsare female, although a couple have made me feel uncomfortable, not by anything they have actually done, but just a feeling recieved from the general conversation.
Strangely enough I have been'propositioned' to put it politelyby men. Luckily being big enough to look after myself it is not a threatening situation and I have been able to laugh it off.
It is sad but nasty things do happen and no woman should put herself in the way of potential danger. As for it being sexist, only a crazed PC advocate would accuse you of it.
Graham

 

[kexufgcp]

Hi there,
I know what you mean but my hubby wont let me work on male clients i dont know.
Going to a home that you dont know them!

Only trouble with me at the moment is the last week i have only had male clients ring for treatment, which i have to tell them i dont do males.

kathy

 

[jingle]

Hi,
I am a mobile Therapist, covering beauty as well as Holistic treatments.
I had a problem with a male client very early on, and decided that I would only do full body massages on females. I am happy to do back massage on men.
If it is my first time with a male client, I always tell my husband where I am going, and what time I expect to finish. As I am getting older, I am gaining in my confidence, and I have to say I am regularly asked by my female clients to massage their husbands too!
I would like some advice from other therapists as to how to overcome my fear from my experience. I havent performed a full body massage on a man for a very long time! At college I remember having to use talc on men not oil, so as not to pull on hair. Any advice for me?!

Thanks!

Tj xx

 

[zrbseirf]

Hi TJ

I’m very surprised that someone has told you to use talc rather than oil on men. I have been receiving massage for more than ten years and I have only once come across a therapist who used talc (in fact she offered me a choice between oil and talc, and I chose oil). The use of talc was discussed on a thread entitled ‘Swedish massage’:

[link=http://www.healthypages.net/forum/tm.asp?m=263603]http://www.healthypages.net/forum/tm.asp?m=263603[/link]

It was also discussed in the more recent thread entitled ‘first assessment’. I’d agree with Gaz’s comment that



Personally I'd recommend grapeseed oil rather than talc.

Regards

Alan

 

[PDizzle]

Hi Alan,

Thanks for that. I have been practising on my husband, who says that sometimes it feels like I am pulling on the hairs on the 'up' stroke! What am I doing wrong?!

Tj

 

[Michael Chauncey]

Hi Tj[/align][/align]You have to apply more lubricant to stop that happening and if you get a king Kong then you can only use the pads on your fingers and sort of comb through the hairs.[/align][/align]It is a lot easier to massage ladies as they don't have much body hair to deal with ;-)[/align]

 

[NMS HKG]

Thanks Paul for your advice!

Will have a go on my husband and see how I get on.

Going back to the talc debate though, I qualified in Reflexology a couple of years ago, and although we were trained with oil, we were also advised to use talc. I did try it, and quite liked it, although I generally use oil.

Thanka again!

Tj

 

[iggiboogirl]

Hi
A really good oil developed for hirsuit (hairy)clients is Chemovine massage oil from therapy world on 01457 860444
or physiomed website.
regards
gaz

 

[Noey]

whoops...wrong thread!

 

[robert p]

Nope...right thread, it's just been hijacked by a talc discussion. I use straight grapeseed and have no problems at all, even on very hairy men.

Back to Peppermint's question: I work on clients of both sexes and all ages from both my office and at their homes. However, I do not now do outcallsfor anyone, regardless ofsex,who has not been referred to me by an existing client. When I was starting out some years ago I didn't have that luxury, so I very much understand the concern about safety. However,I don't think limiting your practice to one sex or the other is the best solution (unless working on only one sex or the other is your client preference,which would technically be "sexist", but still within your rights to determine).

The better way is doing what you can to screen out any potential problem-makers, making sure you have complete contact information (do a 'reminder' call the day before to verify), not taking same-day or late-night requests, listening to your gut instincts, and making sure someone knows where you are, who you're with,and when you'll be back...simple, basic, tried-and-truesafety precautions.

In the early days, when I was willing to go to hotels and non-referral client homes, I also made a pointof tellingthe client as soon as I got in that I needed to make a quick check-in call, so myhusband (no problemwe weren't even engagedyet!) would know when I started and therefore would know when to expect the follow-up finishing call.(It doesn't matter if you call your voice mail, as long as your client believes someone who cares about you knows exactly where you are and is expecting to hear from you within a certain timeframe.) As the years passedand my clientele grew I wasable to change my policy to working from referrals onlyand this step hasn't beennecessary.But it sure gave me peace of mind, and I never had any trouble. Even so, I still post for my now-husband the name, address,phone and session timesfor everynew outcall client I'll be seeing and I call him on my way home so he won't be concerned.

It's a rare woman who can overpower and fight offthe average male. It just makes sense wherever you are to take sensible precautions to be as safe as you can, and then enjoy your work.

 

[ddljmdku]

Hi, no its not sexist, it is good common sense that you need to put into practice. You can get around a male issue by putting on your flyers etc that male clients will be seen as long as they have no problem with you bringing in a chaparone,this could be your husband, he could either sit in the room with you or just outside within earshot. If it's not agreeable to the male client then it's their loss. I can fully appreciate where your hubby is coming from, put yourself in his shoes,if it were he seeing females and giving massage wouldn't you be wary, men are as vulnerable as us girlies.

 

[ruPerdoncD]

Hi lyn[/align][/align]I have been practicing massage for more years than I care to remember, only once did someone fetch a chaperone whilst doing me and they stayed in the living room whilst I received my massage in my treatment room.[/align][/align]I must admit, having a stranger sat in my living room was not conducive to relaxation, I did keep on wondering if they where going through my things etc. [/align][/align]If the masseuse had insisted thathe came into the treatment room then that would have put a stop to the massage before it started as that would simply not have been acceptable, I am not shy but having someone else looking atme whistI received a massage would be very off-putting IMO, not to mention I would not have felt happy discussing my problems with an extra body there.[/align][/align]I have done both mobile, working in therapy centres and at home, I must say that I have had nearly as many females ask me if I do extras as males, I have not yet had to stop a treatment and either leave or throw them out because of it, a no is generally enough to establish the ground rules and most of them turned out to be long term patients with no problems.[/align][/align]Yes there are a few psychopaths out there, and yeswe have to be careful and use common sense the same as any situation where you are in a one to one situation with a stranger, but we also need to be able to function in a professional, caring and confidential manner.[/align]

 

[Kate Lewis]

Revisiting this thread after several months, one thing struck me. It wasn't until Lyn alluded to it yesterday that anyone seemed to raise this question, but is it your husband who is the problem?
Obviously, personal safety is paramount at all times, and there have been countless threads about that. But what lay behind the original post here was your husband's discomfort with your work as a massage therapist. Not the issue of personal safety - but the issue of his personal jealousy.
I'm sure most of us can identify with this (as Lyn suggests). My wife was wary at first when I started training and came home telling her about massaging young women she had never met. It's natural, isn't it? Since then, though, she has got used to the idea and knows, obviously, that I have massaged women who are friends as well ascomplete strangers. As far as I know, she is no longer bothered.
Surely, as therapists, the gender of a client is irrelevant? Leaving aside the obvious point that none of us would choose to be alone with an axe-wielding psychopath, a body is a body. So it's up to us to ensure our partners are comfortable with what we do and confident that we are not in it for some ulterior motive (doing lengthy training courses, with all that entails, is a pretty good wayof proving this is not some easy way of getting up close with members of the opposite sex - there must be easier ways of doing that!).
Would your husband be happy, or less jealous, for example, if you worked on a gay man (and how would he feel about you working on a gay woman...)?

 

[Dhan Noon]

I think that Paul has raised an interesting point with his comment



I have often been used as a 'model' by a tutor whom I know for some quite long massage demonstrations on CPD courses: I've neverhad any problem with students watching me being massaged (although I appreciate that I wasn't paying for the massage!) And on one spa holiday where I had booked a series of treatments, the spa manager (who had treated me before) asked if one of her new students could watch while she gave me a 'hot stone' massage: again, I didn't have any problem with this. Personally I would have thought that it was reasonable for a mobile female therapist to insist on a chaperone, although it might be more reasonable if the chaperon was presented as a massage student rather than as a bodyguard.

Alan

 

[Savanna]

Super brings up an interesting point. I wondered about the comments, in that and other posts, too.

It reminds me of whenwell-meaning but ignorant new acquaintances will say, after hearing what I do, "gosh, doesn't your husband get jealous?" Um, why would he? Or a wife, or girlfriend, for that matter? Why should I "be wary" if his job weremassaging other women?What we're doing is strictly non-sexual, and while we bring more compassion and understanding of the human element into our work than the average physician does, it's no different on a purely physical-contact level.

My husband has never had any issue with my work other than concern for safety, and that's normal and understandable. I think any reasonable person in a relationship with a massage therapist would take the same view...and if they don't, then they don't truly understand what kind of work is being performed and/or there are issues in the relationship that go well beyond the choice of profession.

And no...I would NEVER book a massage that required a chaperone.First of all, the assumption that I'm a potential threat is offensive and the entire premise of showing up with one, whatever you want to call him, is justWAAAAYYYtoo close to the stripper-with-bodyguard scenario--an association that's not helpful to any legitimate massage therapist. I don't mind being the model for classroom demonstrations, but when I'm paying for a session for myself, it's a whole different ball game.

 

[icarus_aus]

I am puzzled by Practicemetta’s logic. She seems to be saying:

1) massage therapists need to distinguish themselves from strippers
2) strippers use bodyguards/chaperons to ensure their personal safety
3) therefore, to distinguish themselves from strippers, massage therapists should not use bodyguards/chaperons (and should either be cavalier about their personal safety, or reduce their potential income by refusing to treat any male clients whom they do not already know).

I agree with the first two propositions (although I don’t have first-hand experience of hiring a stripper !) but I don’t agree with the apparent conclusion. I think that some of the earlier threads on this forum have shown that female therapists do need to take steps to ensure their personal safety (as is currently also being discussed on Fadette’s thread about working from home).

On reflection, I agree that it would be more discreet for the chaperon to wait in a car outside the client’s house rather than to enter the client’s house with the therapist. But the therapist will have to make a decision on whether that provides her with a sufficient degree of safety: the chaperon/chauffeur will realise that something is wrong if the therapist doesn’t leave the client’s house at the appropriate time, but won’t be in a position to intervene if the client behaves inappropriately towards the therapist.

From the client’s perspective, if the therapist insists on having a chaperon in the house, I think that I would still rather have the chaperon in the room where the massage is taking place, rather than waiting in my living-room, just to reassure myself that he wasn’t helping himself to the pick of my CD collection !

btw I also agree that Supersub has made an interesting point: some earlier threads on this forum suggest that some therapists may have problems with ‘overprotective partners’.

Alan

 

[Christian Brooks]

I am saying thatmassage therapists owe it to themselves and their profession to be mindful of the image they present and do everything possible to avoid any association with images connected to the sex trade industry. We also owe it to ourselves to take sensible safety precautions.

If you feel, for your safety, that you must have a chaperone present in the room in order to work...then listen to your instincts and don't book the session. The presence of a chaperone suggests the following, none of which are condusiveto a good session or building a positive client relationship:

1) that something more than a massage may take place
2) that the therapist does not trust the client
3) that the therapist's partner does not trust the therapist

Still, I think it would be intersting tohear how many outcall therapists do use a chaperone, where they are placed, and also how many of us would book a session knowing a chaperone will be present--and how many would not.

 

[hephaestus]

I also have this issue and found something that seems to be working quite well for me, that you may wish to consider.

I placed a "MALE clients please click here" link on my home page which jumps to my Frequently Asked Questions page at

[link=http://www.ladyofleisure.5u.com/frequent.htm#MALE]http://www.ladyofleisure.5u.com/frequent.htm#MALE[/link]

Since doing so, I have had only one problem fellow to deal with, and this has also worked out well for some of my swap partners for referrals.

Good Luck