Upset and very cross with myself

[Erick28]

Help! I'm useless!

I qualified in March as a massage therapist and I haven't had any interest....until I put an ad on Gumtree. A friend who qualified at the same time did the same too. We've both had some very dodgy calls/emails which is getting us both down as we really want to get out there and massage!

I had a call from a man who said he wanted a massage and that his previous masseuse was going back to college to study something else. I discussed the need for a detailed medical history and booked an appointment for thursday. He then said that he doesn't like towels, I said about warmth etc etc. He then said the room would be warm enough. I thought that this should be ok if he had his underwear on and I want to make sure my client would be happy. But guess what, he then said that he wouldn't be wearing underwear. I almost died but just said 'OK'. He said his previous masseuse was ok with it!

Anyway I called later and said that I wouldn't be able to give him a good service as I wasn't comfortable and blabbed on about all sorts......but guess what, the appointment still stands!

First he said he'd put a hanky over it, I said that I didn't think he was listening and after about 10 minutes he said he would wear underwear and use towels but I wanted him to cancel and oh now I'm in such a mess! He kept saying lets meet and have coffee and I know you'll be comfortable with it! Yuk. I just couldn't say what I wanted to. I did say maybe he should contact a naturist masseuse. Oh help, I know I need to work on this communication problem but how do I sort this particular problem out. Should I just text?

Any ideas from those with experience would be much appreciated.

 

[Shelby Blevins]

Speaking from experience, cancel him ASAP. You are under no obligation to see the guy, and he obviously can't take no for an answer! He seems pushy and in my eyes, there is absolutely no way you should see him. Just call him and say that something has come up, and will need to cancel the appointment, and will be in touch to re-arrange. That way there's no akwardness and you simply don't call him back. If he does, say you're fully booked.

Going out for coffee? What is this guy on?

Do you work from a clinic or would you be seeing him at his home?

Be confident and don't let this guy push you around x

 

[Smike]

Definately cancel, this guy is looking for a prostitute not a professional massage therapist. If he continues to call you, state that you will report him to the police.

Barbara

 

[?Lil.Miss.Odd.Bodd ?]

Hi wizbit,

yes, most of the massage ads on guntree - at least in the london area - are of a sexual nature. I placed an ad there too, and got loads of calls from men - even though my ad specifically said 'for females' - some of the calls were after 2am! must have been drunk.

might be an idea to advertise elsewhere!

if you say something to a person about the massage you do, or don't do, and he doesn't listen - this should sound alarm bells, and you should immediately stop, give a firm "not interested" response, and hangup.

if you're the kind of a person that being polite manages to talk yourself into situations that you'd rather not be in - then you need to work on your communication and assertion skills. This is a bit of a must in any business venture, but particularly in massage work, though it doesn't get taught anywhere!

Try some role playing, try visualization type scenarios where you see/imagine yourself being clear, firm or as would like yourself to be...

if being impolite or dis-agreeable is a bit hard, try being silent rather then agreeing to something you don't want to do. just being silent will give the caller a message that his question/response was not appropriate.

don't be hard on yourself - take it as a learning experience.

 

[emebeufoinvivlelc]

I agree with James that it is unwise for a genuine therapist to advertise on 'Gumtree'. Before advertising anywhere else, I would suggest that Wizbit reads the earlier thread:
http://www.healthypages.co.uk/forum/...ad.php?t=38788

Alan

 

[Yadda Me HappyToday]

Ha!! Sounds like the same guy who calls me!!!

I told him I did not agree to not having him covered up, and that I abide by rules and ethics of (..insert your professional body here..). He still continued, said the same about meeting, so I said yes, fine, so long as my husband can come along, and that depends what shift he is on, as he is a policeman. The 'naturist' bloke then said he would call back once he checked his diary.

You really need to be firm with these kinds of callers.

 

[Jeney M]

Hi Wizbit

Just to add, if you feel awkward about cancelling get a male to do it for you. I guarantee he wont called back. I was pestered by someone once and got my husband to say I was not available for massage, he wasnt rude, but the other fella got the message!

 

[Pompal 09.]

he doesnt respect you at all. trying to do what he wants. suggest do what others say dont book,no need to explain.cut him off too bad for him , he has got to learn not to bother massage therapists who are serious about their work!

Amethystfairy

 

[learned by living]

First of all you're not useless! This loser is very limited in his uses.

I get nearly all my clients through Gumtree - yes you have to field the dodgy calls [and I don't get that many anymore] but after a couple you become a dab hand at it. The great thing about Gumtree is that their ad titles ie. putting your therapy plus location and renewing your ad on a weekly basis - will get you coming up on page 1 of Google. It's not about being listed on that site at all - it's about the fantastic positioning which money can't buy. Page 1 on Google is the holy grail of website optimisation.

In fact in the beginning, when I really used to get wound up by these blokes I didn't answer the phone but worked on the principle that if they were serious they'd leave a message and a lot did. They assume you're busy massaging, so it's actually no bad thing. I will still not answer witheld numbers as 99% of them are dodgy.

You need to make sure you word your ad very well. Make it quite long and detailed and certainly don't mention the words stress relief as these saddos interpret that to mean something else.

Free listings are great but you do have to take the good with the bad. You could also try listing yourself in Freeindex, Vivastreet, Adzooks and Hotfrog. These sites don't have quite as many dodgy ads as Gumtree.

In future, trust your instincts - as soon as you feel uncomfortable terminate the call. You don't have to be rude, say something like you have to answer the door and you'll get back to them and then just don't call back. Or you could simply say, I don't like the tone this call this assuming, thank you and goodbye. Don't allow them to draw you into their sick games any further. What are they going to do? Nothing! You don't want them as a client anyway, so telling them to get lost in a polite way is fine. Or even not in a polite way. You are the boss- not them.

Hang in there - don't let a few dodgy calls get you down. There are many, many genuine people out there. Also, don't discount men as clients because if you're mobile you'll find most of your clients will be men. They often don't know where to go for massage and certainly feel intimidated by going to a beauty salon or hairdresser.

Good luck!

 

[YahooUser]

Thank you all for replying. You'll be happy to know that I bit the bullet and made a phonecall to this 'client' ....and as luck would have it I got his voicemail. Fab! I just said that the conversation didn't go how I had hoped, apologised and canceled. I was shaking but then realised that he doesn't know me.

I am currently working on my assertive skills....still feel like I'm being horrid sometimes though.

I have started writing letters to hairdressers in the area asking them to refer clients to me. I'm offering a discount to them if they do so fingers crossed I get some clients.

Once again thank you everyone for your advice....nice to know I'm not alone!

Ali

 

[Isa]

Wizbit - What a creep!! No way should you ever massage someone if there is a doubt. I don't massage males - only if they are referred or friends. Then its usually a head or back massage only, which they are happy with. Don't do anything you ever feel uncomfortable with. Good luck

 

[LikePormenihe]

Wizbit, this is unfortunately something which you have to get used to, and you will. Any treatment is an exchange, they are paying for a service, your time, your experience, your treatment and you are providing that service. If the finer details of that service are not understood, then you could be put at risk. This guy wasn't considering your feelings, he was grooming you to make you feel that he was right and you weren't - there are people like this out there.

It doesn't matter how strict you are and the rules that you put in place, there is always the chance that someone will break them. Some time ago a regular client exposed himself to me asking me if I could finish him off. No warning, no previous innuendo, no sking for the towel to be removed during treatment, no asking about extras.. not a clue. In such circumstances you have to be firm and say no and keep your cool.

You did a good thing, you cancelled. Don't take any crap from people who don't deserve it and don't want the skills you can offer - you'r time and energy is worth so much more than that and can be channeled towards someone much more responsive to it.

 

[dneuquhmirrifjewk]

Hi Wizbit
I think that the same guy has called me, specifically asking for his glutes, upper thighs and groin to be massaged! He doesn't like to wear underwear and again his previous massage therapist was fine with this (?). When I explained that I was just starting out and didn't yet have a table he said the floor or bed would be fine!!! He even tried to haggle on the price I quoted for a back massage! There are such creeps out there.
All the very best of luck
Anne x

 

[Lady in Waiting]

I just been reading some of the posts.

I think one of the unfortunate aspect of studying at colleges is they don't seem to tell students how to deal with perverts and B_S_'ers. It's a fact of life that unsavoury characters are out there. Luckily a small minority but I do still feel sorry for my female colleagues, when I see them upset. It's only by discussing this subject on Hp, journals, and in colleges that such occurances will be reduced, and the legalisation of prostitution so that it doesn't have to hide behind so called massage parlours.

I also think this is an example of the importance of experienced practitioners being mentors to students and newbies, so they feel listened to and supported.

I'm off my soap box now.

Reiki Pixie

 

[Punisher]

i have had the same guy call me 4 times lol and each time he has called back i just say to him that "you have called me before and i have already explained my treatments to you" in the end i got my partner to answer his call and he got the message!

 

[angi0102]

I am surprised that courses don't teach skills for handling these situations - we all meet this at some time or another. It is less likely to happen if you are working in a leisure centre, health centre where there are a lot of people around.

I stipulate what the client wears and would not entertain not using a towel, though some people may be perfectly comfortable massaging naked and towelless clients.

Glad you left the message, I don't think I'd apologise, you have nothing to apologise about - this guy was trying it on and its your decision who you accept as a client. You have to look after yourself.

Luv Binah
x

 

[XxCaRoLiNeXx]

Hi everyone,

I haven't looked at this site for a while and didn't realise people were still posting....Sorry!

I had the same person contact me last week and it took a while for me to realise that it was 'him'. Once I did, I politely explained that I was unable to treat him. He did get a bit aggressive and started to demand that I delete all record of him. I explained that I held no record and remembered our previous call. He did get defensive so I had to be firm and said I felt uncomfortable and could therefore not offer a proffessional treatment. He did go on a bit so I said I had every right to refuse treatment and said good bye.

I have learnt a lot from this caller and feel able to figure out genuine calls from the strange. In fact I had two calls from someone who started to tell me about his and his partners sexual problems. I stopped the conversation, told him thats not what massage is about and advised him to see his GP.

Good news is that I have seen my first clients and I felt brilliant afterwards. THey were both so pleased and it made me realise i was on the right path. Sports massage here I come!!

Great to hear all your stories and thanks for the replies.

Ali x

 

[DRUGASCESEE]

Hi ya Wizbit

I glad this moron hasn't put you off providing massage therapy. He is of a minority. If it has made you a more confident and focused therapist that's a good thing. Sometimes when we have a compassionate heart, we wish to help everyone. But the reality is that we can't help everyone and we have to maintain professional barriers.

Wishing you the best on your new career.

Reiki Pixie