To marry or not to marry? - probably one for the girls

[Earley001]

To marry or not to marry.......... Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and
at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great
dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any
comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there
will be sex here at seven o'clock every night whether you're here or not."
(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads:
Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

******************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and
storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the
phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

******************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud
of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother ofsix" in spite of her
objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and
wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the
top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

**************************************
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he
knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper
said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before the masterpiece.

 

[The Great Gazoo]

I particularly like the last one, ha ha ha

Hugs
Steve

 

[BigBangFTW]

They were uplifting..... yes the last one made chuckle the most too!

 

[Deleted member 79939]

What happens to sex as a women gets old ?
After 80 years old

 

[Deleted member 79939]

To marry or not to marry.......... Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and
at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great
dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any
comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there
will be sex here at seven o'clock every night whether you're here or not."
(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads:
Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

******************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and
storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the
phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

******************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud
of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother ofsix" in spite of her
objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and
wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the
top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

**************************************
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he
knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper
said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before the masterpiece.

Is sexy hornier as f hookers ?