Sardarji Jokes Part 3 (No Offense)

[Capt. Spaulding]

Instructor giving a lecture on the population explosion: "Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child." One student, a sardar, immediately stands up and says: "She must be found and stopped, sir!"

Iqbal Singh is travelling from Moscow to Turbanpore (Capital of Khalistan) by Kothi Pacific. Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess to kill time. Iqbal goes" He He! You think I don't know who you are? I wouldn't like to compete with a world champion"
Gary: "How about if I play left handed?"
Iqbal [Thinking]: "OK!" Iqbal is demolished in 5 moves and
is very upset through - out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Guldu Sherab Singh.
Iqbal: Hey! U know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me inspite of him playing left-handed.
Sherab: He He He!! He sure did fool you!! You know what!! Gary is LEFT-HANDED!!

In a party one of Zail Singh's friends asked him how many chappathis he could eat in an empty stomach. Zail replied "Seven". Then his friend told him "When you eat the first chappathi your stomach is no longer empty. Then how can you eat seven?". Zail was impressed by this tricky question. So as soon as he went back home he asked his wife "How many chappathis can you eat in an empty stomach?". She replied "Five". Then Zail told "Shit!! If only you had told seven I had a nice reply for it"

Did you know why Sardarjees are called Surds? Well, there is a reason for it and a scientific, mathematical one. Here it is! assume x = a stupid sardarji, y = an intelligent sardarji their complex equation - x + y = 0, where x is "real" and y is "imaginary" and secondary school algebra will remind you such equations are called surds.

Scene: Two Surds (1&2), and a Monkey and some scientists with their Chairman (CM).
Sub: Launching of Space shuttle with Both Surds and the monkey in it.
CM: Hello Surds, I am giving three letters to you, one to each, and I order you not see the letters of the others till you finish the assignment. You have to open your letters after the shuttle takes off. (The surds agree to it and enter the space shuttle along with the monkey.) (Count down starts 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 and the Rocket takes off). (Both the Surds get curious about the third letter addressed to the monkey.)
1st Surd to the 2nd: Hey! Can you guess what might be there in that monkey's letter?
2nd surd: I am not a fool to break my head thinking about it and wasting time. Let us see what is there in it? The 1st Surd agrees and both open the letter and they find lot of instructions like, Switch on Red button to the right after reaching 100000 ft, Take Pictures of the Earth, release so and so button... etc and the list continues...After going through this, the Surds think, "Oh! When Monkey has got these many things to perform we must have also been given brain draining tasks." So they open their respective letters simultaneously. Both will find... (IN RED LETTERS), "FEED THE MONKEY EVERY HALF AN HOUR WITH OUT FAIL."

This Sardarji goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts." The doctor says "OK. Touch your elbow." The Sardarji touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The doctor, surprised, says "Touch your head." The Sardarji touches his head and jumps in agony. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Everywhere the Sardar touches it hurts like hell. The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with x-rays, etc. and tells the Sardar to come back in two days. Two days later the Sardar comes back and the doctor says: "We've found your problem." "Oh yeah? What is it?" "You've broken your finger

Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway station ticket counter with a man ahead of him. "Ek Punjab Mail dena", demanded the man in front. He was given a ticket. (Punjab Mail is the name of the train) Then came the turn of Banta Singh, "Ikk Punjab female dena" "What do you mean by punjab female?" asked the clerk. "It is for my wife", replied Banta Singh

Q: Why do recently so many surds get injured when they try to send a letter bomb?
A: In order to be modern they want to send the bomb by fax.