psychosomatic?

[lumpy]

Hello
i have had pain since i can remember. I remeber whan i was about 12 years old having such bad pain in both my legs tht i couldnt walk at times. i cant remember my parents bringing me to the doc but i remember my mum telling me once that it was childrens rheumatism.
the pain continued. i was also riding horses from the age of 10 or 11. i often fell and found myself wake up in hospital after being unconscious. the longest i was unconscious was about 2 days.
now i am an adult.
the leg pain has gone but i have bad backpain and spine pain. i also have bad pain in my abdomen now and again.
when i get the spine pain it hurts all along my spine. from my neck to my bottom. when i get the backpain it hurts "only" in my lower back and sometimes the pain goes into my legs and hips.
the pain is not always there. sometimes it is totally gone, even in cold weather. so i dont think it has anything to do with the weather. the pain seems to get really bad when i am stressed. consciuosly or unconsciuosly. Whenever i meet up with one of my blood family the pain gets unbearable. i cant lie down or sit up for long. when i do sit down my back literally kills me after a while and i need to lie down to straighhten slowly.
one day my parents came to visit me and the pain was so bad in my back and abdomen that my period didnt stop and collapsed (loss of blood) after being in bed for over a week.
the ambulance came and picked me up and the nurses in hospital called me "ghost girl" I think because i was so white.
they examined me many times but could not see the reason for the bloodloss.
i couldnt sit down i was in so much pain. by now the pain went right through my lower part of my body. (hips down)
alot happend, i had to go to 2 hospitals, 2 bloodtransfusions and then it just suddenly stopped bleeding.
my parents were there at the time but when it stopped bleeding they were gone. so was the pain.
i always used to get bad pain in my abdomen when i slept with my husband. during and afterwards.

my question is whether the pain in my body, espacially my back could have something to do with my past and my body "remembering" past trauma? (I was physically and sexually abused from the age of 4)

the backpain only seems to come back when i am stressed out. espacially when a member of my blood family is in contact with me.

there have been times when i was in A&E room(as an adult)many many times all due to unbearable pain in m y abdomen. even as a teenager. they never found anything. they did scans and sometimes found cysts. sometimes they were removed, sometimes they went themselves.
one day i was on 15 pills(antibiotics) a day (including one pill so i wouldnt throw up the rest of the pills) due to unbearable pain, the docs thought i might have a bladder infection. turned out i didnt.
i got myself checked out for STD (hubby too) but unfortunately i cannot remember how that went). I will ask hubby how that went.

could it be that my backpain and spine pain could be due to my body remembering past trauma?

 

[Sad Face]

hi there
it sounds as if you have had an awful lot of difficult experiences in your life so far - have you thought of seeing someone who specialises in emotional stress? Physical and emotional wellbeing go hand in hand and in many people it is difficult to separate the two.

Do you have agood GP that you can talk to about these matters? or is there a counselling service that they can refer you to?

dealing with problems such as you describe can involve a long journey - and an essential first step will be to find the 'right' therapist for 'you'. Don't give up until you find the 'right' person that will help you open the correct door(s) to your own healing ability.

best wishes

 

[whormaDoowl]

please ask to be referred to a counsellor and ask your doctor to send you for a scan to check you lower back i am sure if you need to talk to any body we would all help you here but please see someone who can help you with your past

 

[Pompal 09.]

I think you have answered your own question if the abuse was from a family member or was known about by the family. Have you read Louise Hay's book "You can heal your life". Shelinks many physical illnesses to emotional roots - bleeding relates to joy running out - anger - but where? As welshtherapist said, I do think it would help to find the right person to talk with and purge your feelings.

 

[Brandie C]

Seems that you are anchored into feeling pain and that anchor is triggered by your parents.
Whilst itwould be possible to collapse that anchor with NLP, itI would suggest that Gestalt 'Time Line Therapy TM' would be ideal - and would deal with the emotional issues at an unconcious level in one 1 hour session. (Time Line Therapy enables you to release any and all negative emotionseasily and effortlessly.)

The challenge I have with many is that they verbalise and re-hash the past conciously, re-playing the negative emotional events over and over - often for years.

 

[Tom J]

thank you all so much for your reply
i am sorry i am not able at the moment to reply to each person individually - not feeling my best right now.
just wanted to say that im in therapy, been there for 2 years, have moved forward lots but was always unable to cry.
last few days tho i been so depressed, feeling and thinking i am back in the situation i was in when i was a child. and i cant shake it.
two days ago i wanted to die. i cried and couldnt stop crying. my husband didnt know what to do. normaly that would have been the time i ended up in A&E but this time i cried. and i couldnt stop. the pain i felt inside was unbearable. i wanted to die.
this feeling is not so intense anymore right now but its still just under the surface. i can "feel" it lingering, waiting to come up and scare the crap out of me again.
my counsellor is on holiday till wednesday.
and to be honest - i feel like quitting therapy. this pain i experienced last few days was unbearable. i prayed and cursed to god why he does that to me? i havent felt these feelings in years. buried them for good reason. now they just pop up. and im alone. even if my therapist was home, i'd still be alone. i am married to a wonderful husband and I still feel allone.
i dont want to feel these horrendous feelings anymore.
endless emptiness and torture
i am sorry to feel sorry for myself. cant help it and dont want to help it either.
i am grateful today that this feeling is not coming up. although i am scared when it will
thank you for reading

 

[anonomous]

please do not quit therapy what is happening that all those feelings that you have kept buried for so long are coming to the surface ride with it and it will pass, you will feel better for this you kept this buried for so long it will take a while to clear
lots of reiki love to you

 

[Mabel B]

So what you are saying is that by being in therapy for the last 2 years, you have conciously been re-enforcing all he negative emotions that you are feeling, and re-living your past each and every time you discuss your past with your therapist. (affirming and strengthening all those anchors you are carrying around with you).

Why would you put yourself through this?

Whilst I'm sure that your therapist is professional in his/her approach, and is working to the best of their ability given their traditional training, what if you could release all the negative emotions unconciously, without needing to talk through them and relive them conciously?