out of interest

[bdokhsse]

Not sure if this is the best place for this but i wil give it a bash:

Right my problem is that i am going to register on a theraputic massage course and train in the following holistic/alternative therapies:
aromatherapy
Hopi ear candling
natal massage
reflexology
reiki
and some beauty treatments

Problem is that i work in a great office which i love thought i would be here forever but now i know this is not for me and i am going for this dramatic change in my career, but my partner just does not seem that supportive about it all i have tried to put it down to him not knowing enough about it all (so gave him lots of info) then i just thought that he may have thought it was just a passing phases i was going through (still young 21) but its no phases this is my life time ambition and i am not willing to wait til 20 yrs down the life and sit and say ooh i wish i had done this or that i plan on doing everything i have ever dreamed of and toatlly believe that you must make your dreams a reality as only you can (sorry strayed a bit there).

I think he does not see it as being a real job as such and he does not like the idea of me massaging other men, i am totally aware that he trusts me 100% and we are toatlly in love with each other andi am not planning on running away with some stranger or anything, he has told me that i should do it and suff but i kinda just want his acceptance if that makes sense,

i told him last night that i need to do this regardless to his thoughts on it as its for me to make me totally complete (metally as a person)but i felt really selfish after i said it because we are a team at the end of the day, so i then told him that i know he may never accept it but i believe that because he loves me so much he will learn to adapt to it all and he said he was glad thats how i felt and that i was looking at the positive in his negativness which made him feel abit more positive.

Do you all think it just that its new and in time his thoughts will change when he see's how serious i am about it and how much it makes me happy? He is older than me (40, i know shocking isnt it ha ha you dont choose love it chooses you) so it think it maybe that he is just set in his ways and cautious where as i am quite free spirited and love a challenge.

No matter what i know he will stand by my desicion and never stop me making my own choices but i would just love him to be as excited as i am, i know he will be happy if i am happy.

Not sure if any of it makes sense just let me know if you need any bits cleared up for you to understand it and hopefully give me some advise or something?

 

[Tim S]

Hi,
Go for it girl. My wife has done 1 years swedish massage last year and is at the end of 1 year sports therapy massage and she is 45 and says she wishes she'd done it earlier in life. The fact that she didnt have the confidence when she was younger doesnt matter the point I am trying to make is you have dont give up on your ambition just because your partner doesn't like the idea, I think because of the age difference this is something you are going to have to get used to or give in to his wishes. I dont think he will ever be happy with the idea because of the age difference. My sister was married to an older man and the generation gap caused such problems of insecurity on his part ashe was constantly afraid that a much younger man was going to come along and sweep her off her feet. The sad thing here is the older he gets the more insecure and possesive he may become. Just try and reassure him and practice your massage techniques on him but dont turn it into sexual foreplay as he will be even less likely to want you massaging other men. Just give him a proffessionnl no touching allowed massage from time to time as you would with any other client and he may become more relaxed with the whole idea. Hope this helps
Derrick oops I mean Beaumartin

 

[affaireangel]

Thanks thats great advice especially abot giving him a totally professional massage. i will def do that once i am trained up, i will never give in to his wishes as i knwo later in life i would just resent him for it and that would cos worse problems on its own anyway, i am going to enroll in the classes regardless to what he says which might make me a bit selfish but sometimes we all need to be slightly selfish just to get by.

Thanks so much i really am grateful for your advice.

Liz x

 

[Uwish]

I agree - there is 14 years difference between myself & my partner & I got together with him when I was 21 & he was 35. I am still with him now (dispite what my & his family members said) One thing family members DID have a valid point on though is the issues the age difference can create. My partner sounds the same as Beaumartin's sisters husband...he tells me he hates jealousy, has never been the jealous type, & has never been possesive etc in other relationships - but it is becoming ever so prominent in this relationship & it's not like I have given him reason to think I am going to cheat on him or anything. Being accused of cheating/flirting etc is becoming part of my daily life...but I wont go into that now!
Control issues do go hand in hand often with an insecure partner. Then you, being an understanding compassionate person,understand they are being "controlling" (however subtle it can be) because they are insecure & feel bad...so you stop them feeling bad & you tell yourself you are being selfish to make him feel this way so you stop them feeling that way by not doing what they dont like...before you know it you realise you are running your life in accordance with what keeps someone else happy & not with what keeps you happy....you make excuses for it allbut basically you are being controlled subtely which is wrong.
Anyway, I'm sure your irratated by people focusing on the age gap here but you should definately do what YOU want to do. What are his main concerns? If it is of money, & him worrying it will cost a lot without much in return then he has a viable point but it can still be worked through. My partner TBH isn't 100% into me doing alternative therapies even if he says he will support me on it...but then the issue of it creeps into arguments as it being "a load of rubbish " & he too doesn't see it as a "real" job....It just makes you feel disrespected & ridiculed...not healthyemotions to have in a relationship. It is extremely difficult to do something like that when you fee like you have no true support from your partner & it makes what is already going to be a difficult journey into a realllly difficult one unfortunately.

Anyway, if you don't do it, then you will only grow to resent him in years to come. ( I suspect you don't agree with that but it is true)
Yes, you and him are a team at the end of the day, but you shouldn't feel like you are being selfish because if he stops you doing what you want to do then HE is being selfish not you. If you turned round & told him you didn't like his job for whatever reason & please could he change it to keep you happy,I suspect he would tell you no, because he would feel like it's his right to do it & that it's "different anyway"because he has a "proper" job. (Sorry maybe I am equating him to my partner too much lol, but it sounds all to familiar)

At the end of the day, he should be happy if you are happy. If you are happy & he is NOT happy for you, then something is wrong. I am probably being hypocritical here to a certain extent& I should take my own advice but I know what it is like when you try to do something you realllly want to do & you receive negative input & not 100% support from someone close to you.

Good luck to you & do what you want to do. It's YOUR life & your career is a pretty big part of that. Don't think you are being selfish & put yourself in his shoes &

 

[Twilight Fan]

Thanks shining star you really hit the nail on the head with alot of what you said, i know i have to do this wether he does not support me ot not as its for me i am doing it not him and i know that i would really resent him in years to come and through it inhis face.

the age gap will always be an issue not personally but just in general as we have been nrought up in diffrent generation so naturally we will have diffrent asperations ion life and diffrent veiws on alot of subjects, that is something i have always been able to accept but no matter how much i love some one i will never let them control me,

i know he is been as equally selfish as me by not offering my the support and acceptance i need but i have enough passion in my and faith to get through it all without his support.

i know he will adapt to itbut willnever fully accept it but i can deal with that - he thinks it just hocus pocus he he!

i found it funny when you mentioned about jealousy being an issue, i have that problem with him to even though i have never given him cause to worry he always says i am so beautiful that i could have anyone and that someone else might catch my eye eventually, i know this wont be the case as i am in love with him no matter what he accepts and does not accept or supports me in as he is still the same person i fell in love with, with the same opinions he had then. we have only been together 4yrs but i always knew he was the one.

i have to give him some credit as he has accepted my have a guy who is a student on an aromatherapy course come to the house and give me a full body massage and for him to have one to so that i can watch and learn some stuff from it hopefully.

i dont think money is to big a deal he earn enough to keep us both if needed, but i enjoy having my own money and earning my own for my own independance i know financially he will support me, i just want more emotional support.

i could just be asking alot from him at the moment and you never know in time he may come round but have no fear because if he does not i will still be doing this - i am a stong and powerful woman and can stand stong on my own


thanks hope that akes sense i get so passionate when i am writing i just forget myself and let it all out!

 

[dfroggyman]

Good luck with the course Liz we are all behind you. Let us know how you get on.
Beau

 

[Grandma6]

thanks so much beau i appreciate it i will def keep you all posted.