Time after time I receive PM's from newbies looking for advice on how to improve their lacklustre experiences. Pieced this together as the latest response - hopefully other veterans and ladies will share in the chorus.
Without further adieu...
As a newbie there are several common sense items, which you can follow to enhance the overall path to Triple-X Nirvana:
Crackerjack’s Rules of Gold:
(1) Grooming: always but always accept or request a shower on the premises and for gawd sakes wash the naughty bits to the point they sparkle. Ladies do not relish B.O. or worse emanating from any crevice, fold or crack of the male physique. Fingernails: will be the 1st thing she notices (no, not the girth of your schlong as we would like to think) so get out the clippers, shovels, jackhammers whatever to banish those hard to get at crusties.
(2) Do not under any circumstances visit a lady with your nasty case of halitosis or breath saturated with alcohol, dope, cigarette smoke or the remnants of last night’s Taco Bell burrito. Scrub those perly whites with a dab of Colgate/baking soda/220 grit emery cloth(and don't forget to floss).
(3) Keep the “fruit-of-the-looms” outta sight if there are any accidental skid marks or yellow spots front or back. Better yet hit the local Wal-Mart for a new pair. She will be most impressed with how spic 'n span they are and your deftness with a box of Tide.
(4) Never argue over money and keep your wallet/keys near your person at all times – even if it means wedging the piggy bank betwixt the gonads while showering. And never take valuables with you....even forgetting something behind can be cause for embarrassment. Case in point...returning to pick up a misplaced wedding ring. YYYYYIKES!
(5) Put yourself in her shoes (not talking cross-dressing here) but these girls deal with a lot of different “john” personalities and she may be having an off day. Hence; give her the benefit of the doubt.
(6) Flirt, be charming, intelligent, sophisticated,,,,,remember,,,,you are the ultimate James Bond. Not some azzhole Neanderthal from downtown Dumbdom. Oh, and before I forget,,,,drop the show-off routine. She probably won't be impressed with the late model Edsel or a fat wallett brimming with Canadian Tire Monopoly $$$.
(7) Make the session enjoyable for her too,,,,it will pay back 4-fold for you. Give her a massage, be gentle especially with her breasts/nipples and genitalia (remember these parts are not made by Catipellar Tractors and not removable or twist as far as radio dials). Some very very delicate irreplaceable equipment down under, which she would like to take home with her by day's end.
(8) RUN, DO NOT WALK away if the lady in question, location, situation is the LEAST bit worrisome or fraudulent.
(9) And if you fail to remember any of the aforementioned,,,,ABOVE ALL ELSE,,,,,for your sake and hers,,,,,treat her/show her the utmost respect. Suffice it to say; she is human too and I have yet to meet a homosapien who does not enjoy kindness, politeness and cordiality. Should be a no brainer in this business.
(10) Now,,,,,should any of the above fail,,,,,,PLAY DEAD!
Getting back to your question (pardon my long windedness) - as far as someone to blow your mind downtown or otherwise,,,,this is trial by fire we all go through. I hear HFH, SRM outside metro are excellent choices; albeit, tres expensif mon ami. Call me crazy but if I am leaving a few million doctors and lawyers behind; they should be paying me. Nevertheless don’t give up as once upon a time in a land far far away; I found a MPA (now retired) who I swear…… after a session with her,,,,my body would literally float all the way back to work. To this day I am still searching for a suitable substitute.
And remember, if this sport becomes an addiction; ie, hocking grandma’s favourite feline to pay the door fee,,,,,get professional HELP ASAP!
Newbie,,,,,final words: It’s your money. Be careful out there!
p.s……
Ladies,,,,fellow hobbiests,,,,,I’m certain there are many other words of wisdom to pass along to this fine squire and others. Do tell.
tooodooolou!
Without further adieu...
As a newbie there are several common sense items, which you can follow to enhance the overall path to Triple-X Nirvana:
Crackerjack’s Rules of Gold:
(1) Grooming: always but always accept or request a shower on the premises and for gawd sakes wash the naughty bits to the point they sparkle. Ladies do not relish B.O. or worse emanating from any crevice, fold or crack of the male physique. Fingernails: will be the 1st thing she notices (no, not the girth of your schlong as we would like to think) so get out the clippers, shovels, jackhammers whatever to banish those hard to get at crusties.
(2) Do not under any circumstances visit a lady with your nasty case of halitosis or breath saturated with alcohol, dope, cigarette smoke or the remnants of last night’s Taco Bell burrito. Scrub those perly whites with a dab of Colgate/baking soda/220 grit emery cloth(and don't forget to floss).
(3) Keep the “fruit-of-the-looms” outta sight if there are any accidental skid marks or yellow spots front or back. Better yet hit the local Wal-Mart for a new pair. She will be most impressed with how spic 'n span they are and your deftness with a box of Tide.
(4) Never argue over money and keep your wallet/keys near your person at all times – even if it means wedging the piggy bank betwixt the gonads while showering. And never take valuables with you....even forgetting something behind can be cause for embarrassment. Case in point...returning to pick up a misplaced wedding ring. YYYYYIKES!
(5) Put yourself in her shoes (not talking cross-dressing here) but these girls deal with a lot of different “john” personalities and she may be having an off day. Hence; give her the benefit of the doubt.
(6) Flirt, be charming, intelligent, sophisticated,,,,,remember,,,,you are the ultimate James Bond. Not some azzhole Neanderthal from downtown Dumbdom. Oh, and before I forget,,,,drop the show-off routine. She probably won't be impressed with the late model Edsel or a fat wallett brimming with Canadian Tire Monopoly $$$.
(7) Make the session enjoyable for her too,,,,it will pay back 4-fold for you. Give her a massage, be gentle especially with her breasts/nipples and genitalia (remember these parts are not made by Catipellar Tractors and not removable or twist as far as radio dials). Some very very delicate irreplaceable equipment down under, which she would like to take home with her by day's end.
(8) RUN, DO NOT WALK away if the lady in question, location, situation is the LEAST bit worrisome or fraudulent.
(9) And if you fail to remember any of the aforementioned,,,,ABOVE ALL ELSE,,,,,for your sake and hers,,,,,treat her/show her the utmost respect. Suffice it to say; she is human too and I have yet to meet a homosapien who does not enjoy kindness, politeness and cordiality. Should be a no brainer in this business.
(10) Now,,,,,should any of the above fail,,,,,,PLAY DEAD!
Getting back to your question (pardon my long windedness) - as far as someone to blow your mind downtown or otherwise,,,,this is trial by fire we all go through. I hear HFH, SRM outside metro are excellent choices; albeit, tres expensif mon ami. Call me crazy but if I am leaving a few million doctors and lawyers behind; they should be paying me. Nevertheless don’t give up as once upon a time in a land far far away; I found a MPA (now retired) who I swear…… after a session with her,,,,my body would literally float all the way back to work. To this day I am still searching for a suitable substitute.
And remember, if this sport becomes an addiction; ie, hocking grandma’s favourite feline to pay the door fee,,,,,get professional HELP ASAP!
Newbie,,,,,final words: It’s your money. Be careful out there!
p.s……
Ladies,,,,fellow hobbiests,,,,,I’m certain there are many other words of wisdom to pass along to this fine squire and others. Do tell.
tooodooolou!