Nasty Jokes

[Pompal 09.]

Why not charing our [censored] [rrr] JOKES...

Good Girls -v- Bad Girls [fight1]
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
Good girls say, "Don't...Stop..." Bad girls say, "Don't Stop!!!"

 

[infidel]

John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."
John says, "Well, give me some examples."

Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key into the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me."

"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."

Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"

John proceeds to say, "Well, first, before I do anything else, I lick the lock."

 

[mister ed]

Nasty Jokes

Why not charing our [censored] [rrr] JOKES...

Good Girls -v- Bad Girls [fight1]
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
Good girls say, "Don't...Stop..." Bad girls say, "Don't Stop!!!"

Well Tyra, now you have us all wondering - are you a good girl or a bad girl ? ;-)

HG

 

[Hermione Granger]

Good or bad... Mmmmh

Good girl or bad girl...Mmmmh
I could tell you I can be the type of girl you want me to be... (Because somehow it’s so true) and come see me to find out yourself. But to give you a more deeper and authentic answer;
I’m definitely more like a bad girl, but with a good sense of measure (only when it’s necessary...)
;-)

Tyra ( Sunshine Martinique )

 

[Ms. Tay]

Who's Penis Is it?

Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball,
suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over
his head and passes the three women.

He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my
husband," she says.

He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis.
"He's not my husband either." She says, also not recognizing the unit.

He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.
"Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club."


CK

 

[Huey]

QUESTION:

What's pink and hard when it goes in... and soft and wet when it comes out?


ANSWER:

Bubblegum!


i hope this is dirty enough for you.


CK

 

[Frankydoodle]

"Waiter, what kind of wine you recomand us on the aniversary of our marriage?"
"That depends, sir, you want to celebrate or to forget?"

 

[Zylasn]

CK,
Men are like snowstorms... You never know when they come, how many inches they will be or how long they will last...

Bubble...gum... hmmm... interesting... if it is pink... i like other colours...

 

[Monika]

Now i know you will appreciate this one:

QUESTION:

What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?


ANSWER:

Men always miss them!


CK

 

[crabbypatty]

Green Glitter Test

Green Glitter Test

A king wants his daughter to have a husband so he puts up a flier.
The first guy comes and the king puts green glitter on his daughters private part. The next mornning the king checks the guys private part and there's green glitter all over it.
More and more guys come along and the same thing keeps happening.
Finally, one day this guy comes along. The king puts the green glitter on his daughters private part, and the next mornning checks the guys privates and there was no green glitter.
The king is thrilled and offers the man his daughters hand in marriage.
The guy smiles to accept with a mouth full of green glitter.

 

[TERESA VIOLET]

Two retired guys in a bank. A sexy young girl passes by.
"When i see something like this i want to be 20 again!"
"What, r u nutts? For 5 minutes to have to work again for 45 years?"

 

[Eh-Lee]

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to
shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your
face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The
second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples."

 

[Daniel John]

Sex in the dark

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.

After 15 minutes of this, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight."

The woman says, "So do I. You've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

 

[Melilya]

Ouch:

This couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been afraid to make any sexual advances because of his tiny organ.
Finally one night, he gets up his courage, and takes her to a secluded spot in his car.
While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis.
"No thanks," the girl says. "You know I don't smoke."




CK

 

[uaktags]

A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?"
"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager "won't it knock my teeth out?"

 

[Barb L]

A Policeman pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding and is trying to explain to her what and where her driver's license might be. After she eventually gives him her driver's license, he asks for registration.
Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, "It's that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment."
"Ah," she says as she bends over to get it. While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his cock out.
Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, "Oh, no! Not another breathalizer test!"

CK

 

[Max Powers]

Summer Vacation In Jamaica...

A Lady goes on a summer vacation to Jamaica. Upon arriving, she meets a Jamaican man, and after a night of passionate (sex) love making she asks him, "What is your name?"

"I can't tell you," the Jamaican man says.

Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is and he always responds the same, he can't tell her.

On her last night there she asks again, "Can you please tell me your name?"

I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me." says the black man.

"There is no reason for me to laugh at you," the lady says.

"Fine, my name is Snow!" the Jamaican man replies. And the lady bursts into laughter, and the Jamaican man gets mad and says, "I knew you would make fun of my name."

The lady replied, "I'm not making fun of your name. I'm thinking of my husband who won't believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow everyday in Jamaica!"

 

[Prodigal Son]

Devil Joke

Talking about Snow ...

Devil Joke
Three guys die and go to hell.
When they arrive the devil informs them that he is going to remove their penises.
"Oh, how are you going to do it", asks one of the guys.
"Whatever your fathers jobs were, that's how I'll remove them" says the devil.
So he calls over the first guy "Your father was a lumberjack... So I'll cut it off with a saw"
To the second guy he says "Your father was a blacksmith... So I'm going to burn it off"
As he calls the third guy over he notices he's smiling.
"Why are you smiling, you just watched me remove your friends penises" says the devil.
"I know" replies the man "but my father was a popsicle maker"

 

[Whitney C]

Heres one I heard recently:

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!",

"I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

 

[Irish Girl]

Pu---y!

A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about pussy, and their bitch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother. "Mom", the boy asks, "What's a pussy?"

The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says "Son, that is a pussy." the son then asks "What's a bitch?" The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says "Son, this is a bitch."

The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says "Dad, what's a pussy?" The father doesn't want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out his Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says "Son, this is a pussy!"

The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks "Then, what is a bitch?"

The dad replies, "That's everything outside the circle!"