Massage & Possible Sexual Questions

[Malcolm]

I am hoping that someone with more experience can help me with this situation. I am a recent graduate in need of some guidance.

I placed a posting on Craigslist offering massage. In the posting I was quite clear that this was a non sexual massage. Despite that I received numerous inquiries regarding happy endings etc. Those I ignored and moved on.

My question is regarding those more subtle inquiries. I am not sure if I am being overly reactive and would value your insight.

A possible client called & during our discussion he mentioned nudity. I, of a course, told him that he could undress to his comfort level and would be draped the entire time with the exception of those areas that I was working on at the time. Even after that he kept asking (3x's) if I was okay with nudity. We also discussed modalities and he mentioned the only kind he has had was Thai massage. Later he sent me a text asking if I could provide a picture. Please note that in school we were told a picture was not necessary. That we were massage therapists and our attractiveness should not be part of the discussion.

I called him back and reiterated that this was a non sexual massage, but that I would send a picture if I could scrounge one up.

Is his request for a picture and his repeated inquiries regarding nudity red flags that I should be wary of? He did not come across as creepy, but I would be going to his house and...well I am sure you understand.

I have found this website to be incredibly helpful and I hope my question is placed in the correct thread.

Thank you
Destiny

 

[dafiglebob]

Massage & Possible Sexual Questions

Is his request for a picture and his repeated inquiries regarding nudity red flags that I should be wary of?

Yes. Big time.

 

[Elizabeth B]

Shoot, I was kind of hoping that I was being silly. I guess that just goes to show you that we should listen to our inner voice.

Thank you for your answer. I appreciate your insight.

 

[SUSAN B]

I agree, it definitely trips my "red flag" alert.

It would be one thing if he said, "How will I know it's you?" And then you could tell him the type of car you drive or what color you will be wearing that day... but this doesn't sound like he was asking for that vague information.

Especially when one is providing outcall massage to clients it is best to pay close attetion attention to what your gut tells you. Repeated comments about nudity IMO are definitely a sign that he is most likely up to something!

 

[politically_incorrect]

I agree with the others. I also go to my clients' homes. I would not go to this one!!

 

[dontheturner]

There was a similar thread over the summer of red-flag phrases

 

[OntarioGreys]

Sounds like an excellent thread for me to review. I will look for it. Thank you.

 

[Cortnie]

craig list

This is a debatable area... Craigs list is not the best place to advertise legit massage therapy..... as you can tell


Mike outside chicago

 

[Wavy14]

I do most of my advertising on craigslist, and have just about zero problems with any of this. So it is possible. I wouldn't be too quick to just blame craigslist... I would want to look at what I'm doing and figure out how I can do things different--from visual design, to location, to pricing, to wording--to prevent these problems from even starting.

 

[Adrian]

Craigslist (CL) can be useful. However, what has happened is that there are new requirements for those wishing to post under the 'er0tic' services section. I read something about them being required to give a legit phone number and paying a small fee with a credit card so that CL has a record of the poster if anything illegal is investigated. (my post is not to discuss this or any CL policy)

Unfortunately, what this has done is moved posters (and viewers) from the 'er0tic' services section to the therapeutic section. So now posters are using more 'code' and viewers are assuming more and more posts are from those offering additional services.

I think there can be ways around this (as Ego has mentioned) but I just wanted to make everyone aware of these changes and what we are now up against if we post under Therapeutic Services.

 

[link]

I read something about them being required to give a legit phone number and paying a small fee with a credit card so that CL has a record of the poster if anything illegal is investigated. (my post is not to discuss this or any CL policy)

Unfortunately, what this has done is moved posters (and viewers) from the 'er0tic' services section to the therapeutic section. So now posters are using more 'code' and viewers are assuming more and more posts are from those offering additional services.

I noticed that they are charging $5 per ad & man, did the freaks come flocking over to the therapeutic section! We had one "lady" calling herself "Ms. Unique" posting scary pics of her naked behind and crotch.

After the gratuitous nudity, she disappeared... I wonder if the police found her or if she was banned from the site. Because, seriously... bare legs planted on either side of a metal pole - don't see how that goes w/ massage! :

 

[The Wormist]

I've posted on CL with no succcess. I don't do ir regularly, so I'm not the benchmark. I always place wording about the types of techniques I offer, my prices, rates. This tends to help weed out the unwanted. I also say that no calls from blocked numbers will be accepted, and that the work is therapeutic. This also weeds out the unsavory. I also include a link to my site. This also says "No" to those not welcome on my table.

Even with all of this, I'm always a bit cautious. As other posters have said, trust your instincts. It's unfortunate that we have to do this in order to help those who need it, but...

 

[DukeofDixie]

Even with all of this, I'm always a bit cautious. As other posters have said, trust your instincts. It's unfortunate that we have to do this in order to help those who need it, but...

The creeps are out there. The ones who say, "Well, I prefer a towel for draping..." or, "I'm looking for a more 'enlightening experience.'" (Had some guy totally waste my time bright & early one morning going round and round before he finally said that. )

 

[Sence Kitty]

As they have already replied, trust your instincts but to elaborate more there is no "all encompassing, everything-in-it method of preventing or avoiding sexual advances in a spa or massage session". The methods and ways described herein are intended to at least minimize, if not totally eradicate a common malaise of our industry, having to deal with “sexually charged” clients. Like anything else in life, there are no guarantees and the practitioner is cautioned to use their own judgment about their individual circumstances and act professionally and accordingly. Trusting one’s guts and intuition may prove life-saving in some cases. Massage is by nature an intimate and pleasurable experience but it is not intended to sexually gratify a person. Some spa and massage therapies require the client to be semi-nude and sometimes naked. Even in the most professional setting the massage/ spa professional is exposed to being vulnerable to temptations which might lead to awkward situations. We can combine several of the pointers mentioned and act with due diligence. Practitioners in the spa, massage and wellness industry should perform their tasks that only true and unadulterated professionals do.

I am aware that there might be many questions and a combination of answers out there and we are at our liberty to implement these pointers as befits us:

1. Most of the time, simple statements like “I cannot perform more than just massage or professional therapy because I love my job” or “The only extra service we provide is a smile and a hot cup of ginger tea (called Salabat in the Philippines) or rice tea, which would you prefer?” or “if you cannot respect me in this way, I would be forced to terminate the session and you will be charged in full sir/ma’am _______ (the client’s name).” Always address them with sir or ma’am, so even in addressing clients you have already set your boundaries. Never call them just by their first name or nick name. Overly sexual comments and requests or suggestions of the client should be handled by comments such as “we only provide professional therapies and anymore of those comments and requests will force me to stop this session immediately and you will be charged in full price”. These statements should be memorized and taken to heart by the practitioner.

2. Your establishment should have a clear and strict work ethics and guidelines which are to be implemented not just written- again, these ethical guidelines should be implemented all throughout the rank and file including management. No exceptions. An example of this rules and regulations: sexual advances towards clients by any employee will not be tolerated. Immediate termination of employee/s will follow any complaint that is investigated and where legitimacy of the claim is determined.

3. In cases that you cannot control or your safety as a practitioner is being compromised, you can end the session immediately and ask the client to dress up and pay for the session and then to leave the premises. Therapists should also leave the area or room and should not return until the client has departed the premises. The client’s name should be entered into the prohibited client database to prevent any subsequent appointments being made by the client. Likewise, if you are the client, tell your therapist that you are only interested in professional massage, nothing more.

4. Move out of the room and let them cool off for the meantime.

5. Any sexual contact and indulgences between a client and a staff is equivalent to being fired on the job.

6. Create an environment that is conducive to a healthy, relaxing and satisfying experience for the client. Examples: do not display or post nude and sexually explicit photos, displays, etc. inside your spa, massage clinic or wellness center; if your spa has a video or movie lounge do not include videos that are rated X.

7. Never ever include any sexually appealing advertisements for your establishment or practice. I have seen ads that goes something like “young, pretty, sexy, discrete masseuse for hire”, “presentable, class A, awesome beauty, flawless, available for seforum.xxx party”. Words such as sexy, hot, macho, meztisa, irresistible, heartthrob, etc. should not be used at all costs. Hay naku, ang ipinagtataka ko lang, why is it important to be sexy and with awesome beauty? Is it not enough to be decent, clean looking and professional? So, if you want to be taken seriously in your practice, never ever- and I say it again, never advertise like those mentioned above.

8. It should be stipulated in the employee’s manual that therapists are not allowed to date or to have any other external physical relationships with any client while that person is a client of your respective spa, massage clinic or establishment until after a period of six months since the client received the last service. Definitely, NO dating with clients. As a practitioner, you are not there to look for a boyfriend, you are on the job to make a living and not be looked down upon.

9. The room should never be too darkly lit. To be technical about it, under Philippine laws, in PD 856 Chapter XII Section 5.4.1 states a room shall be provided with illumination to permit effective inspection and cleaning in accordance with the DOH (Department of Health) general illumination standards. The massage room shall be provided with a minimum of 10 foot-candle or kilowatts (107.6 lux) have a minimum while a sauna bath room should be provided a minimum of 5 foot-candle or kilowatts (53.8 lux) illumination. In 5.4.2. All lightings shall be reasonably free from glare and distributed so as to avoid shadows. But if you will ask me, I would prefer lighting which can be adjusted so when doing massage or spa therapies it will not have too much glare and when cleaning the room one can have enough illumination.

10. It is also the responsibility of the practitioner to communicate clearly with the client allowing the client to be at ease and know that they are professionally (not sexually) handled.

11. During a massage, the practitioner should minimize, if not refrain from making direct contact with “stimulating spots” like the inner thighs, groins, nipples, etc.

12. No touching of private areas and genitalia.

13. An experienced massage therapist should be able to guide the recipient through the massage or spa process so that there will be little confusion about some of the basic areas that may cause embarrassment or confusion. Like, if there are client concerns regarding a body scrub or body treatment, the concierge, practitioner or therapist should explain to the client that he/she will get undressed, get the armpits and butt rubbed, etc. will make the client prepare psychologically on the procedure.

14. Presence of mind on where the practitioner rests their hands while the other hand might be working. Example, if your right hand is doing a massage your left hand should be assisting the movements of your right hand and should never rest in any private area of the recipient or client. Hindi dapat nakadantay sa maselang bahagi o kahit sa malapit sa maselang bahagi ng katawan ng client ang kamay ng isang therapist.

15. The amount of clothing worn during a session is dependent on the type of treatment or therapy to be administered. Therefore, do not expect that you will be asked to take all your clothes off if you choose Thai massage or Shiatsu. Normally these massage modalities are performed with the client’s clothes on. It is also common to be completely undressed during a Swedish massage BUT don’t despair, as your therapist will professionally drape areas which are not being worked on. The bottom line is that, the client should be able to wear what makes them comfortable but not to the point of distracting the therapist’s work or disregarding the policies on clothing (if there are any) of the spa, massage clinic or wellness center. Decent looking uniforms should also be worn during his/her duty hours by the practitioner.

16. Shorts can be provided by the spa to all clients and can be worn during the session.

Actually, I compiled 50 Ways of Handling Client Advances, you can email me and I can send them to you - yunesa at yahoo dot com

Thanks

Eunice

 

[sal]

Massage & Possible Sexual Questions

I'm a recent graduate as well. I have started my own business. I also advertise on Craigslist (in the therapeutic section) and while it has increased my bookings significantly I am having the same issue. A LOT! Phone calls, emails, and texts... My ad is VERY clean and professional as is my website - No suggestive wording at all. It's getting old very quickly and pretty disheartening. I do all the things that I'm supposed to do as far as ethics are concerned, but it seems like I'm fighting an uphill battle. I don't want to throw away the legitimate business that I get from Craigslist, but I'm about tired of it. Perhaps I'll develop a thicker skin about it in time.

 

[Slippery]

Massage & Possible Sexual Questions

My best advice:
DO NOT ADVERTISE ON CRAIGSLIST.