Had enough

[Wems]

After 6 years of crippling pain, back surgery, 15+ zombiefiing drugs a day no job prospects as cant stand, sit, or lie down I'm not allowed to drive etc, I have been told that all i can do is take more drugs....

Being only 30 years old i have come to the stark reality that this is my life, no more operations are planned and neurosurgeon says i will always be in pain and 'my back' is as good as it's going to be, I have decided that i will drink myself to death. My question is does any 1 know how long this might take? I currently drink every evening about 10 cans of beer some people say i am starting to have yellow bags under my eyes, i cant see it in the mirror but in a photo i do look kind of yellowish possibly.....
Has any 1 you know tried this and if so how long does it take?
Please 1 more thing, I dont want sympathy or abuse i'm just tired of the pain.
Carly Comando's song 'Everyday' pretty much sums up my existence.

 

[mr brightside]

i cannot image if my pain went on that long and i know you dont want it but i am so sorry. and drinking yoursekf to death will take years and the youll still have to live through liver failure and chances are they'll just want to replace it after all you hard work ruining it in the first place, im here if you wanna talk, but if not id look for a less painful end. 'hope is a feather that perches in the soul' or some such thing,lol and this from a depressed,often suicidal weirdo who never leaves her bed. maybe we should form a club? best wishes, lisa x

 

[Honeybear13]

dear ryback, i am so sorry that you are having such a hard time, it sound very difficult to
come to terms with. have you seen your gp?? have you heard/been referred to the pain clinic???? these are present now in most hospitals and are excellent at advsing you and allowing you to try several methods of pain control, meds,nerve blocks, accupunture/accupressure. Ryblack there is alot of help out there, it wont alwasy have to be but it can be hard to access the help you need sometimes. Drinking yourself to death takes a long time, is quite expensive and drags your family into the depths of despair to. Would you consider ant-depressant??counsellin??? often both have much better long term outlook. Look at some of the complementary therapies here, reiki for instance canbe very effective along with the bowen treatment, excellant for this time of problem, neither can do you any harm. There ARE options my friend please try and give some of them a go
love and lights sgxxx

 

[bash]

You'll get neither from me.

I can feel your anguish but you really need to put down the beer, it doesn't sound as if your medic support has been that good (forgive me if I am wrong)

Look at ways to boost your immune system that will help you fight on.

Keep posting.

 

[ScorpioGirL]

Dear Ryback,

You say that you don't want any sympathy or abuse. I am going to ignore the first and say that I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I feel for you. I will ask for Healing to be sent as soon as I have typed this. Abuse? Who on Earth would be so callous as to give abuse to someone in pain? Although there are those who, when a person has had all that the medics can do and is still in pain, tell the person 'to get on with it'. That would be abuse in my book.

What I am about to say may, however, seem callous but please forgive me, it is not meant that way. Beer is not a good idea for two very practical reasons. It is a depressant, which leaves one feeling low the next morning which makes everything seem even worse than it actually is. Then, and this may seem callous, beer puts on weight (It certainly does to me, to my great disappointment since I like the stuff.). Putting more weight on to your damaged spine will increase the pain.

With love and light,
Sue.

 

[OriginalPenguin]

Thankyou all for your lovely comments, I look at the message i wrote then and i agree i think the drinking has a depressing effect. I have been to the pain clinic and Hydrotherapy is what i was offered unfourtunatley there is a 42 week waiting list for it lol.
I feel better now it was nice i think to just finally express to others how much despair i get in.
I believe that the medical care i have been given up to 'take more tablets' approach by Gp and surgeon was very good but now i feel they don't know what to do. In my first post i made on these forums there is my mri report before my Op. I have had about 4 mri scans since then with dye injected it shows i have some scar tissue now which is why they want me to keep taking epilepsy medicine, it worked for a while at the very begining but didn't last long.
I am sorry if i made any 1 feel sad after reading my last post that wasn't my intention. I guess i will keep soldiering on. many hugs and love to you all. xxx

 

[fchanrsc]

Just wanted to send some ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) xxxx

How about instead of spending money on beer, save up and learn Reiki 1, that way you could do healing on yourself to ease the pain. It is an awesome thing to learn.

You could also try going for acupuncture. Look into good nutrition and perhaps even some herbal supplements that would ease your pain a bit and boost your immune system. Have you tried aromatherapy? There may be some essential oils that you could put in the bath or use to massage yourself with that would help.

Good Luck,

Catherine xxxx

 

[frizfw]

You must be in despair, Ryback, over the lack of resolution to the problem with the pain. I agree it must be awful, but there are things that can be done to help outside of what is offered by the NHS. Various options have been mentioned and all are worth a try.

My suggestion is EFT - with or without add-ons like NLP etc. Have a look here for some 30 reports of where it has helped back pain. Even when there is a physical cause EFT can help - I have seen some amazing results. There is a free basic manual you can download so you can see what it is about, but you will probably need someone to guide you through the process to get the full effect. We have some EFT experts on this forum and you could pm them to ask if theyd be willing to help - try putting EFT in the search engine above and see who may be helpful or you can find more information on the AAMET site. In fact if you put 'EFT tapping' into google you'll get lots of hits.

It's certainly worth a try and could change your life!

Wishing you all the best and big

 

[ta-dah!!]

What are you taking Pregabalin or Gabapentin, IMO these are rubbish (for me anyway, supposed to block pain going to the brain, as you say not for long) have you asked for Diclofenac? Am not in the medical profession but have taken these in the past for Spondylosis, I now take Glucosamine, great stuff and the odd CoDydramol and Ibuprofen as and when.

 

[MooseBoys]

Hi again and ty for replies, I might start looking into alternative therapies as i've nothing to lose. I am on Gabapentin and max dose of Tramadol i take Dicloflex but sometimes it makes me sick which in my current situation is horrific ouch. I found Diazapan worked also but they say i cant take it for more than 7 days cause it's addictive apparently.
I did get a shot of morphine in my bum once that was fantastic i was in a party mood after though lol. to you all

 

[Pompal 09.]

Poor you Ryback, you really are going through it

Yes I found Diazepam fantastic too lol sadly was only allowed 5 days worth, and yes it is very addictive.

My friend does Pilates, she said if she didn't she could never get out of bed, might be worth a try (once you are more sorted). Don't give up on the docs tho, keep going back and making a fuss

 

[Rebecca]

Appologies Ryback, I remenber you posting in the past, but I can't find
it now.

We all see your anguish friend, but you know yourself, in your heart of hearts, that alcohol is only helpful in small doses!

With regards to the ideas put forward by other posters in favour of alternertive therapies, Please, do this Now!!
By seeking out a therapies (no matter how 'balmy' they may seem) that suits you personally and give's you relief from your living hell, has got to be good, hasn't it, even if only partialy succesfull.

It took me 4 goes, before I found an suitable Osteopath, and he has kept me 'mobile' and 'sane' for over 10 years now, without this therapy, I could be getting in the next round in with you!!

Also, If like a lot of us here, have been dumped on the huge NHS back pain tip of life, and told that due to scarring or liesions you can't be operated on anymore or been told that there is no further surgical procedure available, then read this web site www.spinal-foundation.org and you will see that they are wrong!!

If your local GP, Spine Unit, PCT or LHB all say that they can't offer you any further treatment, you may be able to 'demand' that they pay for
'out of area' consultations and possibly procedures at the Foundation.
It's worth a try Ryback, if only to give you the hope and strength to carry on.

to use as a cross refence see:
www.bonati.com
www.laserspineinstitute.com
www.microspine.com

Good luck and best wishes.

SPINELF

 

[kmqzxxnx]

Have felt better without drinking for a few days but i am always drawn to it and when i do have a drink, I always get to the same mindset that i would rather not be here.
I don't think i'm depressed, I think i'm honest more to myself under the influence.
But i have heard that drinking does bring out your true emotions.
I wish i could say that it's when i'm plastered i feel like this, but it's not
I would take anti depressants but realisticaly the pain depresses me nothing else.
Maybe i'm an alcoholic but tbh in all this pain what can i do?
I have looked into natural / alternative pain relief but without cash or able to get anywhere it's not a very likely solution.

 

[Flooklync]

hi ryback, im sorry its not going well but i think youre deluding yourself a little. ive had depression since adolensence and i from my recent back pain i can tell you that its not the pain,its the isolation and mobility problems as well as the pain and no solution in site that is making you feel depressed, but theres nothing wrong with that,id be worried if you said you felt fine,emotionally and mentally. talking about it with a trained therapist might help but i wouldnt dismiss the idea of anti depressants, im on them long term and i find they keep the depression at bay, youre body will release depressive emotions and hormones because of negative thoughts and emotions, the alcohol might seem like it helps but its a depressant and will shut down your system and in the end leave you worse off health wise. i can only imagine how you must feel but i think you should try getting some legal advice, surly someone has to do something about the amount of pain youre in. i also think you probably are an alcoholic but maybe you should deal with one thing at a time and i think the pain is a more immediate problem. I think you should talk to your doctor about the depression also because depression as a result of the pain is still depression. the pain is keeping me awake tonight and im still wanting to hear from the surgical team about my options. i have all my gp appoinments via telephone. dont give up yet. ill help you look for a solution too, where in the uk are you,btw? hang in there, lisax

 

[smgwxqgs]

Hi,

You're probably asking the wrong people on the wrong forum.........

Anyway, looking at your post - not a great picture is it?
However there is always hope, if you are willing.

Lets look at the drinking first.
2 things spring immediately to mind.
1. Alcohol is a depressant - this is a well-established medical fact. It will make you feel a bit better initially, then it will probably contribute to clinical depression.
2. Drinking 10 cans of beer a night will make you gain weight fairly quickly, which will of course impact on your back.

So drinking in your condition isn't a great idea.
I would look at osteopathy as a first stage. This will not be free and you need to divert money from beer to treatment.

Let us know how you get on.

David

 

[pretty]

Ryeback,
hi again it isn't easy to find the effort to keep going when you have been let down so badly by the medical profession and indeed back pain is very badly handled within the nhs. However the option ti give up isn't really an option either as the one who suffers most will be you and your family the is in fact a wide range of therapies available on the nhs, counselling and cbtm acupuncture and even reflexology/aromatherapy they also do a stuctured exercise programme usually in contunction with a local gym. The answer is out there you have to find it and demand it. Anti depressents can be effective as can st johns wort if you prefer a herbal route. Look for back pain self help groups (expert patient i think they are called) these are groups run by people with that condition for people with the condition, no 'experts' allowed. Depression in a perfectley 'normal' reaction to long term condition online the moodgym is an excellent course that can really help you identfy and deal with this terribly isolating condition. Hang on in there ryeback it wont always be this way and you really can make a difference x
Light and love