feeling blue...

[Allie Jane ~]

I've been in massage school for about a month now, and suddenly I just feel so let down. I wish things had been different and I'd been able to drop everything and attend a school like ASIS or Heartwood. As it is, I'm going to a community college 14 hours a week while working full time. I just barely have enough time to get the coursework done between sleeping, going to work, going to class, and trying to take care of a husband and 2 dogs. I feel so guilty in my neglect of my hubby in particular even though he's so supportive. I haven't been to church in forever. My extended family thinks I've dropped off the face of the earth.

I should be studying right now, preparing for tomorrow's class, but I just can't focus.

I'm so stressed out that the raging acne I've had mostly under control for years came back and I had to go to the dermatologist. She gave me four prescriptions which together make me dizzy, itchy, burny and irritated. Maybe I should have just thrown in the towel and let her put me on Acutane . I HATE TAKING PILLS!

Add to all this the fact that I attended the birth of my nephew last Saturday/Sunday (pulled my first all-nighter in who knows how long), and all I can think about is having that precious little baby in my arms again. He lives 1.5 hours away.

I'm fried. Frazzled.

It's probably just too much stress and I needed to vent.

*sigh* :

 

[brooklyn]

That is a lot of stress! I'm sorry your plans didn't work out the way you wanted. Take a deep breath, and pace yourself. It is very worth it, but it is work - like anything worth doing.

Keep us posted on how you are doing, too. Ask all the questions you want. We've been there, done that, and like to see others succeed!

 

[angelfishcuriouscat]

I can relate to how you feel.
when I was in massage school my now ex hubby had just left me, so I postponed starting for a few months. When I started I was going throughmy divorce and through the course of it all finding out he cheated on me more times than I really cared to know. Lost a classmate 2 months into school. My friends well they dissappeared when the hubby left and the ones that stuck around where to afraid to speak to me. My family was at odds with each other cause of a whole different issue. Still was working full time at night(class by day an hour away from home so 2 hours just driving each day), still having a house to manage 100% by myself and a dog and a cat. A miscarriage my first month of school.
Ok writing that now I do not know how I did it. BUT I did it. I finished school with a 3.9 GPA (palp kicked my butt).
Somewhere along the way everything just worked. There were times when I knew where my focus needed to be and thats what I worried about. Of course I had the drive of my ex telling me I couldn't do it and that I would flunk out and never make it. Well I proved him wrong.
That was actually the first time in 8 years I had actually done something for me and that was the best feeling in the world.

Don't throw in the towel. You will kick yourself in th behind if you do. Take some time and figure out a schedule that suits you and makes everyone happy. Its possible, I have faith in you!
lets us know how things work out for you!!

 

[Aidan]

Thanks for the encouragement.

I did something today that I've needed to do since Day One - carved out some time to return to my Kung Fu studies. I'll be taking private lessons once a week from someone who understands the craziness of my schedule. This will be a great outlet for all of my stress. When I told him all that was going on, he pointed to the heavy bag and the gloves (because he knows how careful I have to be with my hands now) and said, "have at it, man." He told me where he hides the key to his workout building and told me to come by whenever I needed to beat on something, or even if I just needed somewhere quiet to be.

So now I at least have somewhere to go when it all gets too insane.

And, I gave his fiancee a massage. It reminded me of why I'm in school and why I love giving bodywork so much. I need to make it a point not to go more than a week without giving someone a massage!

I touched base with my husband who told me how proud he is of me for working so hard. How I wound up with such a wonderful, supportive man I don't know. This is the second time I've been in school since we got married (got my B.A. back in 1999), and he's never complained once. I hope that's not because he's afraid of my Kung Fu skills - ha ha.

So if I could just get through the enormous pile of laundry (half of it massage linens) on my living room floor, do some vacuuming, and clean the bathroom I'd feel so much better.

But I'm definitely feeling better than I was. I will do this. I'm not the only one struggling, and certainly not the one struggling the most. Fall break is coming at the end of the week, so that'll be a good time to relax, attend the wedding of my Kung Fu instructor, and go hold my new baby nephew.

 

[CatsDogsFrogs]

Its crazy how going to massage school seems to bring this stuff on. I too delayed starting 6 months after signing up. I had to help a close immediate family member thru rehab, loss of their drivers licensce etc. and I was the only one availabe to drive this person to and from work, thearpy and everything thing else. I also went through a move and a few other personal issues that I won't get into here. All along I was also managing the household, a teen and three pets. Then we bought a home and moved so I was driving much furthur the last couple months of school. Its amazing how strong we are when we need to be. Although I got sick of people telling me how I could handle anything. Good for you for carving out some time for what you enjoy. As for going where you wanted just remember you can get your basic education and do continuing ed where ever you want. Anyway hang in there. It will fly faster then you know. This is a great place to vent.

 

[sparky]

I touched base with my husband who told me how proud he is of me for working so hard. How I wound up with such a wonderful, supportive man I don't know. This is the second time I've been in school since we got married (got my B.A. back in 1999), and he's never complained once. I hope that's not because he's afraid of my Kung Fu skills - ha ha.

Whatever works

So if I could just get through the enormous pile of laundry (half of it massage linens) on my living room floor, do some vacuuming, and clean the bathroom I'd feel so much better.

The laundry will be there when you are done with school. Don't forget to breathe.

 

[Christian guy]

kemilyna,

I can so relate to your post. I too have been working full-time (which no one there knows I'm going to school)- going to school 12 hours a week - doing all the school work, study, etc. which probably takes up most of my "free" time. My husband has also been very supportive and has been my biggest encourager through all of this - so has my family. There are many times I've felt like I'm not being a good wife, pet owner (I have two dogs and a kitty who adopted us recently), sister, daughter, person in general. And I've always have had a high expectation of myself - I have had to just set aside that idea that I am perfect LOL! I never really thought that but I seem to think I could be everything for everybody. I've learned to do what I can and pray about the rest.

During my journey, my dad was diagnosed with cancer about halfway through - so it's been extremely hard not being able to be there for him like I've wanted to... I do make a point to spend time with him when I can and when it's important for me to be there for appointments. I've struggled with the family dynamic and not being able to be there for my family like I've wanted to...then I have to step back and think about the goal. If I failed now, all of the sacrifices we've made along the way would be in vain...so it pushes me harder towards the goal. When I make it, it will be a dream realized by everyone who has supported me and allowed me to pursue my dream. And I keep telling myself, it's only for a season.

I just took some time to go to a women's retreat and the one thing it focused on was seasons - and that we should relish each one we face - glean what we can from it - because this is only temporary. At first you don't think this will ever end...but it just seems like yesterday that I was walking into class for the first time - seeing our text books :shock: - taking those first steps towards a dream. Now, I'm looking at 5 more weeks of school - boy time sure flies - my journey is almost over as far as school goes. After that, state boards in December...it's almost here. And then ??? I still don't know where I'll end up...I know what I want to do...just the where.

There is light at the end of the tunnel...hang in there... you can do this! I know you can!! Make sure to eat right - get as much rest as possible (some nights I've gotten much less than I need) - t027 - take care of your body. Remember to feed yourself spiritually too - find some teaching that you can listen to on your drive to work...or scripture on tape ...or something online you can listen to while you work...anything to keep you connected to the One who has given you this dream! It's not the building that's important but the relationship - yes we are to go to church to keep ourselves encouraged and growing...it hasn't been easy - I had to step away from alot of ministries when I first started school - and it was hard for me to separate my who from my do ... so to speak. I was so used to doing that in my mind it was who I was...but He had a bigger lesson. So for now I go to service and soak in all I can. He loves me even when I am not doing...and He has used my time at school to help others and to learn more about Him by learning how our bodies are put together...each intricate detail...the miracle that our bodies are...how everything fits together...This has been my experience anyway. You will truly appreciate the details when you hold your nephew you can just be totally blown away about how he was formed.

It can be a balancing act - but you can do it. I hope that this has encouraged you...BIG HUG!!!! t056 At least you see you aren't alone...If you have any questions, feel free to ask. This board is very helpful!! 8)
Take care

 

[Little One]

Thanks again for all of the encouragement.

I woke up this morning so nauseous and dizzy from my medication that I didn't go to work, which made me feel more depressed. These last few days I've just been walking around in what I believe must be a drug-induced fog. I can't concentrate on anything, feel like nothing that I say makes sense, and have absolutely no appetite (really great for my blood sugar - I'm hypoglycemic). I've not been able to study at all since my original post. I also should be in class right now, but they're doing CPR and I'm already certified, so I didn't go.

I did the laundry instead. All of it. How on earth I managed to have 8 sets of massage linens to wash is beyond me. I even made my bed (can't wait to climb into it).

I really can't tolerate feeling like this anymore, so today I did something about it. I called the Dr. and told her I just can't handle the side-effects from the drug. The nurse told me to stop taking them immediately and they would call me in a different prescription tomorrow.

*sigh*

Hopefully it's not worse that what I've been on already.

But, I'm able to see a little light now. The fog is lifting a little as I near what would have been my regular dosing time for the meds. Hopefully I'll wake up tomorrow morning. I mean, REALLY WAKE UP! I feel like I've been asleep for a couple of weeks.

BTW, I knew I was really feeling bad when my hubby asked me if it would help me to get a massage, and I said, "I really don't feel like getting a massage." :shock: I _always_ want to get a massage! Hee hee.

 

[b3k@]

So... I started to feel normal today. Not so much dizziness. Not too much nausea, but still wasn't quite right, so I went and had a Reiki treatment. *poof!* I feel human again! My MT sent me out to sit in the park afterward, in the sunshine. I sat under a tree by a little babbling stream and wrote a little. It was just what I needed. He also suggested an epsom salt bath which I will take just as soon as I am done here.

Unfortunately I got some very bad news this eveing though, right before I went to class. My best friend's mom passed away today from lung cancer. She had smoked for most of her life. I would like to take every cigarette in the world and stomp/break/crush them. I hate them!! But like I said, I found out right before class, and sort of went to class on auto-pilot having not really reacted to the news.

Well, it hit me in the middle of my CPR test that she was really gone and I'd never get to talk to her again, and I just lost it. I felt so bad, bawling in the middle of class like that, and one of my friends dragged me outside where I had a good sob. I can't remember the last time I wept like that. I think it was good for me....

So, I'll be taking an unexpected 3-hour road trip this weekend to attend the funeral. It's my fall break so ... well ... there it is.

*sigh*

I'm going to be fine. I'm just a little emotional right now.

 

[KRISTIE]

I'm glad you were able to express your grief even though it wasn't the place you wanted to express them. I'm glad you also had someone to lean on during your "emotional time". I will be praying that you have a safe trip. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I hate cigarettes too - unfortunately I know too many people who smoke. Is your husband going with you?

I've never experienced a Reiki session but the brook scene sounds great - It's fall - I love this time of year - lots of foliage change. I just noticed how the leaves were changing around here today.

Be safe and take care of yourself!