Dilemma

[lady green]

I would be grateful for some constructive views on a dilemma that I have encountered. I have, up until recently, offered massage on a limited part-time basis ( I work full time). I have only a few clients, the majority of which are regulars but have decided to stop working because I have found myself having inappropriate feelings when massaging female clients. I have followed conventional protocol on draping etc and have never done anything that could be considered remotely improper. My feelings have remained in my mind. However, I feel it wrong to continue to work at present because to do so would I think be unethical and dishonest. Helpful comments etc would be welcome.

 

[pilacomosi]

I am not sure anyones opinion or thoughts on your problem can help you as I am sure there are many factors that are making you feel this way.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to seek professional help. They will then get to the bottom of the problem and you will be able to understand it better.

Otherwise you will never really know what to do.

 

[gibytzgj]

Thank you. What type of professional help are you suggesting? I'm interested that you feel that the dilemma is serious enough to warrant this type of solution.

 

[cutelil_bubble21]

Isn't it a teeny wee bit overreacting to suggest that the OP seeks professional help? After all - he's only having "feelings" - it's not as if he is acting on his male impulses.

I'm sure there are plenty of males AND females - in many diverse professions - who have "inappropriate feelings" about the clients they deal with. I'm assuming that we're talking about sexual attraction towards his clients? (As opposed to axe-murdery-type feelings....)

There are times that I enjoy my job a whole lot more because I've been given the gift of a young, attractive, freshly-scented male client! There's no way I would ever cross the line with a client - but we are not made of stone!

If we happen to experience a "feeling" - whether it be distaste, attraction, anger, sympathy - or whatever, then we shouldn't be made to feel that the feeling itself is cause for concern.

As long as we, as therapists, maintain a professional distance from our clients then surely it doesn't matter what's going on in our heads?

Just my humble opinion.

Welcome to HP CaptainScarlet! I hope you find a solution to your dilemma.

Kitten
x

 

[loudyhowdy]

Thank you Kitten for your understanding response. I should clarify that the feelings to which I referred were not of the axe-murder type!

 

[Abbie]

Surely its a little bit 'natural' to have these feelings.
You are giving a massage to a semi-naked member of the opposite sex after all. If you did'nt feel something you would perhaps not be normal.
The main thing to remember is that they are 'feelings' and you have identified them, and (presumably) have no intention of acting on them, so you are in control of your actions.
I would'nt worry just carry on.
Incidentally, you only have to look at some of the threads on here about naked massaging to see there are a lot more stranger people about than yourself.

 

[LowWanaaoi]

Hi captain. I suggested help from a Psychologist as you used the word "inappropriate" in your op.

And I do think it is serious enough if you 1) are losing your extra income and 2) have to stop practicing something which you obviously enjoy doing (otherwise you wouldn't be doing it aswell as a day job)

Going to see a psychologist isn't a bad thing.

I am assuming you want to find out 1) if the feelings are normal 2) If it is ok to continue treating with these feelings.

A professional can coax the answers out of you on a subconsious level.Once you get some answers you will be much happier.

If I am wrong in my assumptions above about what you want to find out then please do say.

 

[sherazade92700]

His word were "inaproppriate feelings".



Who mentoned axe murder type feelings? Dont you think you are jumping the gun a bit here?




I agree, but call it "inappropriate" distaste, "inappropriate anger", "innapropriate" sympathy and I disagree.
If it is inapropriate then it shouldnt be happening and until the OP expands on what he means by inappropriate we can only assume that it is inappropriate.

 

[shootsmyownfood]

Letting you know when I was teaching a class i was attracted to a male student BUT i followed rules and never acted on it so he was none the wiser.if you dont act on it thats fine as how will they know? If you think you feel too much think of somthing else concentrate more on what you are doing try to see them as client not their sex might help?
dont feel guilty we are all human!

Amethsytfairy

 

[Tauro]

Hello CaptainScarlet,

Welcome to HP.

I'm sorry that you feel unable to continue as a therapist because you are attracted to your clients. I'm curious, did the feelings come about after one particular client?

As Amethystfairy suggests try concentrating on the treatment, while I know that we are treating a person I tend to overlay an image of the muscles etc. and think about how they work and their names when I'm faced with a body that I find distracting -either attractive or unattractive.

Providing the client doesn't become aware of your feelings I don't really think you've anything to worry about.

I wish you the best of luck

Wesam

 

[aaycxgaz]

LuckyG asks for greater detail about these inappropriate feelings. They are feelings of sexual attraction which, for the avoidance of doubt, I have every intention of keeping in my mind and not taking any action. Looking at LuckyG's first response, he suggests that a psychologist would help me establish whether these feelings are normal. No thank you - the feelings are perfectly normal and healthy, its a question of and of how acceptable it is to give a massage and have that "feeling" floating in your mind. The responses of Wesam, Amethystfairy and Windynights are very helpful and yes, I do concentrate on the technicalities of the massage and this is the most effective distraction. It is good to know that this issue is not unique.

 

[old lady]

You may have foound my responses not to your liking, but it is the word inappropriate in your op to which I responded. Had you nto used that word my response woudl have been different.



You've answered your own question then. You think it is normal and healthy. Job done!



IMO, it is not acceptable to me. But we are all different and perhaps I am the odd one out and I respect it may be normal and healthy for you and the posters above.

 

[miacka]

I really think the answer is simple, but I may get flamed for my views. I think this is a question that crosses many people's minds. In my own case it was settled within the first few massages I gave. I massage a person and I find it fascinating understanding the process/technique I'm administering and found both male and female clients are clients. However, each is unique and have their individual needs. I would think the environment and professional approach may also affect the way you feel towards you clients, especially if they come from your peer group.

We relate to people in different ways, and when we look at another person it may be filtered through our perceptions, prejudices and culture. As part of our training we are taught about how we should related to clients, but it's up to us as individuals to apply that teaching to our thoughts. Perhaps you should try not allowing those thoughts to take hold, but instead focus on the therapy?

However, the bottom line is if those thoughts are preventing you from enjoying your chosen vocation, then I would seriously consider changing to one that doesn't provoke such thoughts.

Clients are not sexual objects, and should never be thought of in that way.

Myarka.

 

[SorEvouaui]

Are you suggesting that people who are happy to provide such massages or indeed receive them are strange, or are you referring to specific examples.

 

[animalluver!!!]

Myarka - I agree with you, clients are not sexual objects, hence my concern and you can be certain that if they took hold I would stop working permanently. However, they have not taken hold and my major concern is to do my job properly and professionally. LuckyG - I thank you last reply which was a little obtuse having taken a quote out of context but never mind.

 

[pinscherpuppy]

Captain Scarlet, your 'inappropriate' feelings are perfectly normal for human nature, but indeed, they are 'inappropriate' and it would be best for you to bring yourself back to what the job at hand entails - you are providing healing touch. This is not a position to be taken lightly; the person who you are massaging is not an object of desire in this situation, but a person who needs to be taken care of. It might be helpful to meditate on how you are helping that person whilst you are treating them, for example; by what the massage is doing to each system of their body and their core anatomy and physiology. Consider how you are helping them, not what they are doing for you. Therefore, switching off our selfish being during treatments is paramount, and to think of yourself as just a medium for providing healing, nothing more.

Also, when I find that my mind starts to wander off to other thoughts (usually my to-do list - how sad am I?), I focus in on my body posture and make sure that I'm lined up properly so not to cause myself any damage or stiffness later. You could also treat the massage as a body work out for yourself; keeping the inner core strong for better posture and strength.

Hope this helpful.

 

[Edilyn Lanzarote]

i THINK that we must not judge. What do you define inappropriate feelings i.e. you think they're hot or want more. Are you single? Then you are perfectly normal. As long as you keep everything on a professional level, then all will be fine. You don't want to be giving up on this work, if its something you enjoy, have a passion for. Also I'm married and occassionally will have a very good looking bloke come along with a nice body. Hmmm, its nice to look at and a pleasure to massage but I don't get any feelings.... I look beyond that as to why they have come to see me and what problems etc.

If they're single, and the feelings mutual, then ask them out. There is no harm in that. Live life to the full and take the moment.

 

[Tecumseh]

Sorry, I really think that would be a bad idea!! Crossing client boundaries and all that! If they don't feel the same, could lead to client feeling uncomfortable.

As for feelings... they're internal and personal to you! It's perfectly natural and normal to feel sexually attracted to an attractive member of the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on your preferences). So long as you accept your feelings and then let them go, bring your focus firmly back to what you are doing in the treatment and never do anything unprofessional or to make the client uncomfortable, chances are they will never know!

I think it might be worth you looking into meditation techniques... I find I give the best massages when I treat them like a meditation exercise, trying to focus solely on what I am doing, pressure, rhythm etc and if you can do this then there will be little space in your mind for inappropriate thoughts or feelings.