Dilemma with a potential male client

[...:::38 weeks:::...]

I've had an enquiry from a potential male client. Even though I state in my online ad that I'm a mobile therapist he said he couldn't accommodate me in his home and therefore would I consider him coming to my home.

I immediately thought he may have ulterior motives. Even though my ad explicity states that I offer no extras and in NO WAY was I offering a sexual service. I replied back to him and asked him to confirm that he was after therapeutic, professional massage and nothing else and he came back saying he fully understood why I was asking and he was definitely after proper massage. He'd regularly got massage before but his therapist moved away.

So far, so good............. then today I was renewing my online ad and happened upon HIS ad. Offering himself for students to practise massage on. He went to great lengths to say he was in no way interested in anything sexual and that he'd been recommended massage by his G.P etc. BUT heended the posting with"naturist massage welcome".

Now to me naturist massage means naked massage - am I right?

I feel he's saying conflicting things and now I'm not sure I want to treat him. Even though he could potentially be a good client - as he's after regular massage.

Any advice?

 

[Tim S]

I think you should go with how you feel. If you have reservations about this guy then don't treat him. You have stated to him that you are mobile and don't do treatments from home so perhaps go down that route and say that you don't offer treatments at home. If you feel wary of him then maybe you wouldn't want to go to his home anyway - did he give his reasons why you couldn't go there?

I take the view that if you don't feel comfortable then don't treat. I let my guard down just after christmas and had a male client who I just didn't feel comfortable with - even during the initial telephone conversation. I felt a bit worked up before and after the treatment and I think he was expecting 'extras'. He was very odd - in ffact I posted it on here - and I haven't heard from him since. Now I always go with my instinct and only treat when I feel comfortable.

And yes naturist does mean naked. There are clients out there who would prefer that - there have been postings on here too for that. It doesn't necessarily mean that he would want that with you. Hope it works out okay.

 

[bwzscgsa]

Hi yogajoga,

Here's my (male) opinion,

Naturists are funny folk that don't seem to understand why the rest of us non-naturists feel awkward around overt nudity. In my experience however,they tend to be fairly decent people pretty much in-line with the rest of the population just with a 'nude is how I feel comfiest and so should you' chip on their shoulders. I have never experienced a situation where somebody has used the term naturist to imply sex trade but I’m sure it does happen.

If you are ever unsure about a client I always advise not to treat. HoweverI would also advise to give a full andhonest reason which he most probably won't like. This conversation will be awkward so make your mind up before you speakabout what you want to say, stick to your guns and definitely don't enter into any argument or further discussion.

Don't feel bad about it, just move onward and learn from the experience. How can you handle similar situations in the future? Is it time to get a room to work from in a professional clinic, etc etc?

Good luck

Adam

 

[Brea]

Just a little confused - how anyone can be a naturist AND wear a chip on their shoulder.

I attend a naturist swim club in Kelveldon, Essex and have given and received naturist massage there from time to time. As far as I am aware no one expects any 'sexual extras'.

I think your decision must be based on how you feel comfortable and not on the naturist preference of this particular client.

Jaez

 

[Convicted for Life]

I'm probably going to ask a very stupid question now........... but here goes............

by naturist massage does that mean without underwear but still under a towel or completely naked? I guess I'll go and look for that thread now but thought it might be quicker here.

re: the chip on shoulder comment

 

[bhhyxftz]

Its a difficult one as a female therapist with male clients coming to your home. When I first started advertising even putting this is not a SEXUAL SERVICE I was getting 2-3 calls per week from males wanting a) to be naked or b) towels removing! To me this is not people looking for holistic treatments. Although it is unfair to judge everyone and I try and go with how I feel and ensure I have a telephone conversation before hand to explain exactly what a treatment involves.

A new male client came to see me on Monday evening and he was really nervous himself, so there are genuine one's out there.

Also check out if they can give you a landline number and address, often this will sort it out immediately!

Ellie

 

[manyman]

Thanks for all your excellent advice as always.

I've thought about it a bit more and think if this man wants to actually go ahead and make a booking then I'll ask him to give me a call. You can tell a lot from a voice. At the moment all communication has been via e-mail. He does seem genuine and the fact that he likes "naturist" doesn't necessarily mean he'll expect that from me. I'll be sure to tell him that he'll be covered at all times.

I've had a look back over some of the posts to do with naturist massage and I have to say that I personally find towels and towel management a huge pain. Once I've got to know a client and trust themI'd be happy to do away with excessive draping.I agree that they can hinder the flow. Obviously in supine I'd cover the absolutely necessary bits. I can see how having access to all the glutes would definitely enhance a lower back / upper leg massage. I find doing chest massage on woman a pain too. Access to the pecs can be so difficult and often it's these muscles which are incredibly tight in kyphotic posture.

So I'm not averse to the idea in principal but only with a client that I've massage a few times already and trust.

I really enjoy massaging my partner because all the draping goes out the window and we both enjoy the massage more.

 

[Tommy C]

I've had naturist clients and had no problems whatsoever. The first session was with draping/underwear and we then discussed at the next session how they would like the massage to proceed. In the consultation, I always give the client the option, but state that draping is used to keep the body warm. Now that it's summer, that might be less of a requirement, but I try and work in a way that is suitable for both the client and me. There have been enquiries that made it clear that the client expected a 'massage' from a masseur as opposed to a massage from a massage therapist. When I see red flags I don't take the booking.

Obviously your safety is very important, so if you feel that something's not right, trust your instincts.

((E))

 

[Andy F]

Naturist does not necessarily mean sexual. I suppose though that as a therapist I have never even considered that either male or female would request this.

Speak to him. If you feel comfortable him coming to your home, make sure somebody else is home with you. Don't start unless you are still comfortable with him, and make sure that your additional guest is within shouting distance. Don't drop your guard, but don't just dismiss him for what could be something and nothing.

 

[??Chick Magnet!??]

Hi Yogajoga,

It sounds like you've thoroughly considered the situation and are willing to give it a go, or at least talk to the guy. I know this is so obvious, but if you do decide to go ahead with it, make sure you have someone in the house with you so that if you dostart to feel uncomfortable you have their backup and it will be easier to get rid of him. Also, (and worst case scenario here) they also act as a witness if for some reason you have to complain about him offically.

 

[xMissEllex]

I don't have a massage very often, but when I do I always ask the therapist to do it without towels. Having towels draped round me implies that in some way my whole naked body is shameful and needs to be hidden. I also feel that it gives a sense of bits of me being done rather than all of me, and then I need to join up the bits myself to make the massage whole.

When I worked as a therapist from home, I put the TV or radio on in an adjacent room, so that it sounded as though there was soeone else in the house listening/watching it.

Once long ago i woke up with a really bad sore throat and unusually for me I had to cancel all the clients that day. When i was better I heard that one of the people I had cancelled had gone into someone's house with a knife a few days later and had been arrested. he knew the person in question, but may be my sore throat saved me from something nasty. (An alternative interpretation would be that if he'd seen me he wouldn't have done that!!)

I agree that you can tell a lot by someone's voice on the phone.

Jane

 

[Arturo]

I agree with the previous posts, with the exception of ‘Ellie7’. I am somewhat surprised by Ellie’s statement that



Now it is certainly possible that some of Ellie’s callers were actually looking for sexual services (particularly if she advertised in a local newspaper), but my experience is that some genuine clients will also prefer to be naked, because it allows a more flowing massage. I’m not sure whether Ellie is aware that nudity appears to be the norm for receiving massage in American and European spas, and I would certainly have thought that the massages I have received in various spas could fairly be described as ‘holistic’. For example, the American website [link=http://spas.about.com/cs/spa101/a/SpaEtiquette.htm]http://spas.about.com/cs/spa101/a/SpaEtiquette.htm[/link] states:




Similarly, the London College of Massage clinic (which is definitely a very reputable holistic establishment) states on its website:



Obviously I accept that working from home is potentially more dangerous than working in a spa or large clinic where there will be other therapists and possibly a receptionist around, and I would agree with Azalia’s advice that when treating a new client, it is safer to have someone else on the premises if at all possible. There is also some useful advice on the therapist’s safety on the thread [link=http://www.healthypages.net/forum/tm.asp?m=423599]Safety for therapists [/link].

Alan

 

[Chantelle]

Hello Melanie

I think it is rather discourteous and presumptuous for this person to ask to come to your home, when you state that you do home visits only. Surely they must have a friend or relative who would loan a room. I'm afraid I smell a rat about this, and I think you do too. I would also not feel happy about taking a booking from any client when I hadn't at least had a chat with them first, which you have mentioned here. This is regardless of whether they are a male, female or whatever. That first person to person verbal contact is so important to kick off your client therapist relationship IMO - text messages and emails are impersonal and can be a good way of communicating for someone who has something to hide or is up to no good. As to treating someone who is a naturist, that is entirely at your discretion and you must do what makes you feel comfortable. I imagine that your average naturist will like anybody else respect your wishes if you want them to keep their underpants on! They are ordinary folks and the ones I know don't force their views on others. It goes without saying that if you do decide to offer this person a treatment in your home please arrange to have someone in the house. Get that person to answer the door and greet the client if you feel it's appropriate. I hope I am not coming across as alarmist or paranoid, but you must be safe and happy in your work.

 

[roflchopter11]

as everyone here has said Trust your instincts.

like you I was up until recently a mobile therapist but now have a room twice a week so I am able to seemen there and am happy to do so. I make it clear that they can remove their underwear when they ask me but they will be covered with a towel even if it is only a small one. That is what I am happy with. I have never felt that they are asking for any sexual favours. Seems to be a man thing, have not yet been asked by female clients if they could be naked (again happy to)

the other point is - why are you mobile, whats to say that your house is too small for your couch to be put up!

it wont be a good massage/treatment if you are not comfortable

HG

 

[Flexybabeegirl]

Can I just ask - do you know why he contacted you - were you recommended? It just seems a bit weird that he would ring a mobile therapist but be unable to acommodate you, it does beg the question of why he doesnt just book into a salon or clinic for massage.

Cath xx

 

[Space Gazer]

Hi Melanie,

I'm not a massage therapist, so I don't know if my opinion is relevant for you, but I would have to agree with the overwhelming consensus of everyone else here and suggest that you go with your gut instinct - it's usually right!

SW x

 

[Saksham]

Reply to all:

Just in case anyone missed the link to the "sticky" thread on Safety Advice For Therapists which Alan D kindly included in his post # 12, here it is again:

[link=http://www.healthypages.net/forum/fb.asp?m=422530]http://www.healthypages.net/forum/fb.asp?m=422530[/link]

(It's at the top of the General Therapies forum.)

Holistic

 

[drhnk07]

Not wishing to add a flippant note to this serious discussion (oh go on, then, maybe I am), but I have to say this made me smile...

 

[yen]

Thanks everyone for your comments and invaluable advice. It seems my subscription email wasn't on - so I hadn't realised there'd been so many replies.

This particular caller hasn't been in contact since. So no updates on that front.

However, I get the feeling, as this is the 2nd male to ask to see me in my home - woman never do - that maybe the don't want their partners/wives to know they are seeing a female therapist? It's not that they necessarily want anything untoward - but I think that some woman wouldn't be comfortable - rightly or wrongly - with their man being touched by another woman? Just a thought................

Question: what does a "sticky" thread mean?

Thanks

 

[piezbufhiwpialehe]

A sticky thread is one that is pinned to the top of the forum, this stops it disappearing down the long list of posts