I know i have already asked this but I just want some more peoples opinions please
So far I have wrote 730 words of my story...
Despite the harsh winter temperatures, the setting sun still shines with a beautiful glow over the open sea; reflecting its perfect shape onto the cold waters. The crisp air, being carried by the strong wind, hits my face making my eyes water and my skin feel cold.
Even though I can't hear him because of the blood pumping in my ears, I know that he's still chasing me, I can feel it. I make a quick glance over my shoulder and there he is, getting further and further away from me as he quickly becomes short of breath. I look forward again but start to run slower to give his little legs a chance of catching up to me. He soon approaches me and I feel him grab onto my shoulders, making me fall onto the cold, wet sand. Then I can see his wide, bright eyes looking down on me, his face filled with the huge smile covering his face; my little brother, Owen.
As we both sit on the floor wrapped under a big blanket, we watch the flames of the fire in silence. Owen looks up at me, he looks as though he is about to say something but before I can even begin to let the happiness rush through my body, he turns his head, sets his eyes back onto the fire and sits watching the flame flicker and twinkle in the darkness of the room.
My little brother is five years old, and he is Autistic. I find it heartbreaking knowing that I may never hear his voice, yet there is something about his condition that makes me love him even more. Although he cannot tell me how he is feeling, I know that most of the time he is happy; fascinated by everything around him. And that fascinates me.
Owen soon falls asleep, resting his head on my shoulder. I slowly move my body and kneel on the wooden floor, supporting Owen in my arms. I pick him up, positioning him over arms, making his head fall back. I take him to his bedroom and carefully lower him into his bed and cover him over with his Thomas the tank-engine duvet cover and, sweeping the hair away from his face and kiss him on his forehead.
I leave his bedroom door open 3 inches, no more no less, just the way he likes it. As I walk downstairs towards the living room, I look at the clock which is balancing on a tiny screw on the wall at the bottom of the stairs; 8:30. They wouldn’t be home for another 2 hours at least, as always.
With the sudden sound of tires screeching into our driveway, I jump up from the sofa, run upstairs and wrap myself in my blanket on my bed and pretend to have been asleep for the past few hours, as always.
Still with my head under my cover, I can hear the muffled sounds of them stumbling into the house and slamming the door behind them, as always.
From the moment I wake up, I start with my morning routine just as I have since I was twelve; three years ago. The annoying sound of my alarm never fails to wake me up within ten seconds of its first beep. When it does so, I get out of bed as fast as I can, for knowing that if I waited a minute longer I would end up falling asleep again, and go straight in to Owens room. I draw back the curtains and, kneeling over his bed, whisper ‘Breakfast time!’ into Owens ear. Within about five seconds his eyes open and his familiar cheeky smile crawls across his face. I lift him out of his bed and carry him downstairs (he would scream if I made him walk) and set him down at his usual chair in the corner of the kitchen table. My brother has had the same thing for his breakfast since the age of three; coco-pops with half a cup of milk and one tea spoon of sugar. I place the green plastic bowl on the table in front of him, distracting him from staring intently at our goldfish bowl on the kitchen counter behind him. He gives me his ‘Thank you’ smile so I smile back and start preparing my own breakfast.
School is the same as ever....
- but as you can see I have not yet mentioned the main characters name, only that of her brothers'. I was wondering if it was too late to bring it in in this next chapter or would i have too add it in somewhere earlier on in the story; if so, any ideas on how I could do this? Or should I just not mention her name at all? Also any suggestions for her actual name would be great as I'm having trouble thinking of one!
Any feedback would be appreciated.
Thanks
Oh, and I am only 14 so please don't be too mean if you don't like my story!
So far I have wrote 730 words of my story...
Despite the harsh winter temperatures, the setting sun still shines with a beautiful glow over the open sea; reflecting its perfect shape onto the cold waters. The crisp air, being carried by the strong wind, hits my face making my eyes water and my skin feel cold.
Even though I can't hear him because of the blood pumping in my ears, I know that he's still chasing me, I can feel it. I make a quick glance over my shoulder and there he is, getting further and further away from me as he quickly becomes short of breath. I look forward again but start to run slower to give his little legs a chance of catching up to me. He soon approaches me and I feel him grab onto my shoulders, making me fall onto the cold, wet sand. Then I can see his wide, bright eyes looking down on me, his face filled with the huge smile covering his face; my little brother, Owen.
As we both sit on the floor wrapped under a big blanket, we watch the flames of the fire in silence. Owen looks up at me, he looks as though he is about to say something but before I can even begin to let the happiness rush through my body, he turns his head, sets his eyes back onto the fire and sits watching the flame flicker and twinkle in the darkness of the room.
My little brother is five years old, and he is Autistic. I find it heartbreaking knowing that I may never hear his voice, yet there is something about his condition that makes me love him even more. Although he cannot tell me how he is feeling, I know that most of the time he is happy; fascinated by everything around him. And that fascinates me.
Owen soon falls asleep, resting his head on my shoulder. I slowly move my body and kneel on the wooden floor, supporting Owen in my arms. I pick him up, positioning him over arms, making his head fall back. I take him to his bedroom and carefully lower him into his bed and cover him over with his Thomas the tank-engine duvet cover and, sweeping the hair away from his face and kiss him on his forehead.
I leave his bedroom door open 3 inches, no more no less, just the way he likes it. As I walk downstairs towards the living room, I look at the clock which is balancing on a tiny screw on the wall at the bottom of the stairs; 8:30. They wouldn’t be home for another 2 hours at least, as always.
With the sudden sound of tires screeching into our driveway, I jump up from the sofa, run upstairs and wrap myself in my blanket on my bed and pretend to have been asleep for the past few hours, as always.
Still with my head under my cover, I can hear the muffled sounds of them stumbling into the house and slamming the door behind them, as always.
From the moment I wake up, I start with my morning routine just as I have since I was twelve; three years ago. The annoying sound of my alarm never fails to wake me up within ten seconds of its first beep. When it does so, I get out of bed as fast as I can, for knowing that if I waited a minute longer I would end up falling asleep again, and go straight in to Owens room. I draw back the curtains and, kneeling over his bed, whisper ‘Breakfast time!’ into Owens ear. Within about five seconds his eyes open and his familiar cheeky smile crawls across his face. I lift him out of his bed and carry him downstairs (he would scream if I made him walk) and set him down at his usual chair in the corner of the kitchen table. My brother has had the same thing for his breakfast since the age of three; coco-pops with half a cup of milk and one tea spoon of sugar. I place the green plastic bowl on the table in front of him, distracting him from staring intently at our goldfish bowl on the kitchen counter behind him. He gives me his ‘Thank you’ smile so I smile back and start preparing my own breakfast.
School is the same as ever....
- but as you can see I have not yet mentioned the main characters name, only that of her brothers'. I was wondering if it was too late to bring it in in this next chapter or would i have too add it in somewhere earlier on in the story; if so, any ideas on how I could do this? Or should I just not mention her name at all? Also any suggestions for her actual name would be great as I'm having trouble thinking of one!
Any feedback would be appreciated.
Thanks
Oh, and I am only 14 so please don't be too mean if you don't like my story!
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